


Little Deaths in Musical Beds (A Brendon Urie Fanfic)

by harlequingirl93



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bands, Brendon Urie - Freeform, F/M, M/M, Panic At The Disco (Band), Ryan Ross - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4616634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harlequingirl93/pseuds/harlequingirl93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aveline grew up with Brendon. Since that first meeting in kindergarten no one could drag them apart, they were bonded, connected, joined at the hip; so it was no surprise that the two of them fell in love during senior year. After Brendon's band began to get noticed, Aveline couldn't have been happier. After all, they had spent long hours working with each other and long hours working apart at school and jobs to support this. Then, Brendon suggested the wild idea of dragging her out on the band's first solo tour with him, which seemed exciting and fun. Being with Brendon was all she wanted and getting to see places she'd never seen was just the icing on top of an already perfectly baked cake. The cake starts to cave in though, as she begins to see a side of Brendon she wishes she hadn't. Her best friend and the love of her life was being sucked into the world of drugs, fame, and promiscuous sex. One night changes everything she's ever known about the boy she grew up with, and suddenly she is flooded with a whirlwind of confusing emotions. Her heart is torn between leaving or staying and trying to put Brendon back together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One - Here We Go

Palo Verde High School, Summerlin, Nevada 2004: (chapter one - here we go)

The halls were full of students rushing, pushing, shoving, and generally just not giving a shit so that they could get out of the building and on to freedom. It was to be expected, who wanted to be in school anyway? Not a one of them. Besides, playing on the Vegas strip was much more fun, even if they weren't old enough to actually indulge in all the chaotic, blatant sin.  
Two students were leaning against the lockers waiting for the crowd to disperse before they made their way out of the building. The boy threw his head back and laughed showing a perfect set of white teeth. He put his hand on the girls arm and shook his head.  
"Why are we standing here again?" Aveline asked.  
Brendon pushed her shoulder playfully, "Because dumbass, Brent got me that audition for that band remember?"  
"Oh that's right," She pushed his shoulder with more force than he had hers and he stumbled backwards, "Are you nervous?"  
He rubbed his shoulder, "God, I didn't hit you that hard," but his smile was enough to tell her he wasn't upset, "I guess a little."  
She waved a hand at him, "You'll do fine."  
He looked at her, his brown eyes big and uncertain, "You think so?"  
She put her hands on his shoulders gently, "Yes B. You are amazing and you eat, sleep and breathe this shit," she shook him gently, "So, go in there and blow them the fuck away."  
His eyes smiled right along with his lips, "I love you, you know that?"  
She smirked, "Yeah, I know," She balled up her fist and knocked him on the jaw lightly, "I love you too."

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brendon was officially a member of Pet Salamander. He couldn't contain his excitement and did a mix of running, back flips, and handstands all the way home from the rehearsal space. He collapsed onto the grass in his front yard and pulled his cell phone from his front pocket. He flipped it open and scrolled to Aveline's number. It began to ring.  
Aveline and Brendon had met in kindergarten. They were fighting over the same crayon and the teacher made them stand in the corner together for ten minutes. It had felt like forever, but Aveline made it unbearable for a five-year-old boy. Unexpectedly, she reached out her hand and grabbed his. His eyes shot open, the brown in them swimming around for some kind of explanation. Then, all she said was "I'm sorry. You can have the crayon." He made a face at her and shook his hand free like he was offended that she had touched him at all, but they have been best friends ever since.  
"Hey B." Her voice was soft and reserved.  
He sat up, "Liri," He sang, "I made it!"  
"I knew you would." Her voice went up a few octaves, "You gonna celebrate?"  
"Pssh, like I would without you."  
"What about Audrey? Haven't you told her?"  
He smacked his forehead. He had forgotten all about her.  
"Shit. No."  
"You better go do that, she'll kill you."  
He laughed, "Yeah." he paused thinking for a moment, then he spoke up, "Liri?" which is a nickname he had given her a long time ago, it meant "musical" and even though Aveline was not musically inclined she loved music as much as Brendon so he branded her Liri.  
"Yes B?" Her voice was concerned.  
"I'm kinda nerdy huh?"  
"What? No." Aveline told him reassuringly.  
"You don't have to be nice about it Lir. I kinda am, but you're not."  
"What are you getting at Bren?"  
He huffed and she knew if she could see him he'd be chewing on his bottom lip, "Can you help me...y'know, look better? Cooler?"  
She laughed a little but not so much as to make him feel bad, "Sure B, whatever you want."  
Aveline was beautiful. Sharp green eyes were always lined in black eye liner that curved up into a cat like form. Her shadow was smoky, dark, and her lips were either a dark red or bare. Her hair was bright cherry red, manic panic obviously, and most times she had a bandana in it like a headband or used bobby pins to pull it back. Then there was, well, she had a body. Brendon noticed. All. The. Time. He shrugged it off as his hormones though and remembered she was his best friend. She had a killer wardrobe and the thing was she made half of the stuff herself. Brendon wanted to look good, wanted to be cool. He knew she was capable of it, and he trusted her.  
"So, tomorrow then?" He added.  
"Tomorrow." She agreed.  
Tomorrow he would emerge a new person, a more confident person, someone to be reckoned with, or at least he hoped.


	2. Chapter Two - I'd Pay To See You Frown

Chapter Two

The wind had kicked up a bit before Aveline went to bed making the tree branch outside her bedroom window tap up against it. 'Great' she had thought, 'Now I'll never get any sleep.' She was wrong, sleep came but the tapping continued through the night until, at 2am, a louder tap jarred her out of her sleep. She sat straight up in her bed then looked around. When she noticed the tree branch, she rolled her eyes and laid back down ready to fall back into her peaceful slumber. THWACK! She sat up again throwing her legs over the side of the bed. Using her knuckles she pushed herself to her feet and padded over to the window. Her eyes gazed the level she stood at, and then moved to the ground where a very distraught looking Brendon stood. She unlatched the windows and pushed one outward.

"Brendon?" She asked, "What's wrong?"

"Can I come up?" He tried to keep his voice quiet.

"C'mon," She waved her hand toward her motioning him in. He climbed the lattice that lined the side of her house and crawled into her bedroom window. 

"I'm sorry it's so late," His eyes were glossed over and pink under the rims.

"It's okay," She gave a half smile, "Now, what happened? Cause I know it must be big if it couldn't wait until tomorrow."

His bottom lip jutted out, quivering, and he bit it back not wanting to cry again. Aveline didn't ask again what was wrong; she merely walked over and wrapped her arms around him allowing him to let go of his held back tears. When they pulled away, he kept his eyes on the floor, crossing one foot over the other and then back again. She used her index finger to lift up his chin.

"I'll fuck up whoever did this to you y'know?" One side of her mouth curls up trying to give him support.

He laughed a little, "I don't doubt that Liri," he agreed with her, "But, it's not necessary. I'm the one who broke it off."

She cocked her head slightly, "Broke what off?"

"Audrey and I."

"You did what?" she asked in complete shock, her eyes widening and her mouth agape.

Brendon shrugged, "It was over," he told her honestly, "S'ides she was cheating on me anyway."

That pissed Aveline off. Brendon and Audrey had been together since middle school. Audrey was his first kiss, his first love, hell, his first fuck and now...well, now everything had changed. Just that quick, in one little instant and Brendon's whole life became something he didn't recognize, or at least partially.

"I'm sorry B." was all Aveline could manage to say though.

"Don't be, just..." he trailed off.

"Just what?" she asked, her voice soothing and thick with empathy.

"I don't want to be alone," he admitted, "Can I stay?"

She let out a small laugh without meaning to, "Brendon, you know better."

"What?" he asked looking at her confused as he pushed his rectangular, thick-framed glasses up on his nose.

"You don't have to ask," she pulled back the comforter on the other side of the bed from where she slept, "You are always welcome here."

Brendon smiled and kicked off his shoes as he lay down next to Aveline. She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow. He looked up at the perfect smile on her face and the thought of kissing her crossed his mind, but he shook it out. 'Damn hormones again' he thought. 

"Know what we're gonna do tomorrow?" she said in an adventurous tone.

"What?" he smiled.

"Get you ready for your close up," she poked his nose playfully then plopped back down on her side of the bed, "Then you can go to school on Monday morning and make that fucking bitch jealous."

Brendon didn't know why, it probably shouldn't have, but Aveline's last comment made him laugh so hard that his stomach hurt and tears were coming out of the corners of his eyes. God he loved her, what would he do without her? He hoped that he would never have to find out, and he couldn't wait to make Audrey suffer the way she had done to him. Paybacks were hell, and she was about to get burned.


	3. Chapter Three - New Perspective

Chapter Three:

Brendon woke up to the weight of Aveline's body on his hips. She was grinning like the Cheshire cat, her face inches from his. 

"Wakey, wakey," she said to him.

He turned his face away from her and groaned, "Ugh, I just wanna lay here and die."

"Brendon Urie!" Aveline scolded him as she sat straight up.

"What?" he asked.

"I better never hear that again," her face was serious, "Now c'mon get up," she urged tugging on his arm.

Aveline disappeared into her bathroom and Brendon could hear the shower running. He sighed and rubbed his eyes not wanting to deal with reality. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't shake the sound of Audrey's voice. It must have been true what they said about becoming addicted to someone's pheromones because it hadn't even been twenty-four hours, and he was already feeling pathetic without her. He wrapped his fingers around his hair and pulled on it with slight frustration while the scene from the night before replayed.

"Slow down there big boy," Audrey mocked.

"The fuck?" Brendon shot back at her. His fists were balled and he could feel his face getting red, "Why are you doing this?"

Audrey shrugged as she lit up a cigarette and blew the smoke in his face, "Because I can," her eyes locked with his, "But mostly because you just don't do it for me anymore."

The comment cut like a razor blade: precise, deep, and without caution. He stumbled backward a bit before catching his footing by running into her dresser. He wrapped his fingers around the edge of it to steady himself or to keep himself from hitting her or maybe even both. His head spun from the sheer shock of the situation. Audrey had done the unthinkable, and she had done it right under his nose. 

"How long?" he asked with his head down, his voice soft and trembling.

"What does it matter?" she laughed, "We both know that this is the part where we break up."

Suddenly, his head shot up and he pushed off of her dresser with his palms. He shook his index finger at her violently.

"Oh no, you don't get to do that," he told her, "You don't get to do the breaking up," his breath was picking up, and he was digging what fingernails he had into his other palm, "You cheated on me," his voice was raised, "I get to be the one to tell YOU to fuck off."

Audrey waved her hand in a dismissive manner, "Do whatever you need to do to make you feel better B-dog."

"B-dog?" he gazed at her trying to find some familiarity, "Who are you?"

"Not your girlfriend anymore."

That was the last thing said between them before he left and found himself underneath Aveline's window. He let out a long sigh followed by a yawn. Willing himself out of his funk, he sat up and was met with the vision of Aveline standing in front of him, arms folded over her chest, her foot tapping wildly on the carpet.

"Are you still in bed?" her fingertips rose up and down on her arm as if she were playing the piano.

"I'm sorry," Brendon laughed.

"C'mon," she nodded her head in the direction of the bathroom, "We've got work to do."

"Should I be scared?" he laughed again, pulling the covers back and throwing his legs over the side of the bed. 

She gave him no answer, just a smile, but he followed her to the bathroom anyway having complete trust in her. She was the only person he could trust other than his family and even that was questionable at times since he had removed himself from the Mormon community.   
Aveline grabbed his shoulders and pushed him onto the toilet lid.

"Now," she began as she stood in front of him. She tipped his head up with her hand by resting it under his chin and inching it backward, "Let's take care of those eyebrows shall we?" she raised her own as she brought the tweezers to one of his brows, grabbed a dark hair and pulled.

"Ow!" he cried pulling away, "God Liri, what the hell?" he had a hand over his eye in an effort to protect it from anymore hair loss.

She put a hand on her hip, "It's either this or waxing, but either way your eyebrows are going to be thinned out."

"No," he protested, "My eyebrows are fine the way they are. I'm fine the way I am."

Aveline crouched down in front of him and brushed her hand across his cheek, "Of course you are B," her eyes were sincere, and she meant every word, "But you asked me for this," she reminded him as she stood back up, "Besides, don't you want to make Audrey suffer?"

Then it hit him. The breakup. His heart felt heavy, and the anger soon followed. He furrowed his brow then looked up at Aveline.

"Go for it," he told her. 

"Okay," she laughed, "But first," she ran the hot water in the sink and grabbed a washcloth out of the cabinet. She soaked it well then rang it out, "Here," she said holding it to his brow, "It'll loosen up the hair, maybe not hurt so much."

He smiled, "Thanks," he watched her throw the washcloth back in the sink when she was done, "I coulda handled it y'know?"

"Suuure," she teased.

********************************************************

Brendon, brows a little pink and just a slight puffy, didn't argue when Aveline told him they were going to the mall to buy some new clothes. He worked, but he was also very stingy with his money since he was trying to save as much as he could. She explained that it was all on her. He argued about that though. In the end she won as she usually does, and he was left to let her do what she thought would suit him.  
Aveline and her older sister Ella had lost their parents in a car accident when they were much younger. Their Aunt had raised them, but she eventually became sick with breast cancer and passed too leaving just Aveline and Ella. Thankfully, at that point Ella was twenty-two and had inherited her part of the life insurance both of their parents had left for them. She was able to legally take Aveline in until she was an adult or until she was twenty-one and able to collect her part of the life insurance.  
Ella made sure that Aveline had everything she needed and then some. The overcompensation for their parent's and Aunt's loss was apparent, but Aveline never complained. She put money aside in a bank account so that she would have something to lean on if she ever needed it. The allowance she received every week was enough to sustain her for two weeks so it had built up pretty quick over the years. She had no problem buying Brendon clothes, especially since he really did need an updated look since he just joined a band.

"What about this?" Brendon asked as he held up a hideously loud-pinned stripped polo.

Aveline rolled her eyes as she threw the jeans and t-shirts she had picked out for him over her arm and walked over to him. She took the shirt from him and shook it at him, "Brendon," she said, "This looks exactly like what you wear now. No," she laughed hanging the shirt back on the rack.

"But,” he was cut off by her grabbing his arm and pulling him to the dressing room. 

She handed him the clothes and hurried him inside. She could hear rustling and bumping up against the door. Then, out of the corner of her eye she spotted a belt rack. Her eyes went wide as she ran over to it and grabbed a black belt with a silver buckle. 

"Here," she threw it over the door of the dressing room, "put this on too."

Brendon stared at his body for a while in the full-length mirror. His neck was defined much like his jaw and when he put his head back his Adam’s apple protruded out. He traced his hand along his collarbone, which was raised up to the top of his skin, sculpted to perfection even though he didn't know it. His chest was smooth, no hair, and small pink nipples rested on pectorals that were shaped but not toned. The indent in between them showed parts of his sternum bone, while trailing down his stomach was flat and smooth. His black boxer briefs hugged his thighs, his hips, his abdomen, his...  
Brendon shook his head and pulled on the jeans that Aveline had given him. To say they were tight would have been an understatement, and they hung dangerously low on his hips. He put the belt on and buckled it followed by the black V-neck she had given him. It was tight and clung to every part of his upper body, not to mention it showed off part of his chest due to the V and his stomach because the jeans were too low. He opened the door slowly and peaked out of the crack.

"I can't wear this Lir," he whispered.

"Why not?" she asked trying to get a good look at it.

He bit his bottom lip, "I just can't."

She made a face and pushed open the door, "Let me see it."

He backed up against the mirror as she came into the dressing room with him. Her mouth must have been open because before she knew it he was using his index finger to push her chin up. She shook her head bringing herself back to the reality she knew and loved, but her reality had been altered by the boy standing in front of her, the boy she always knew had it in him but never saw it on the outside. This boy was special, something factual, but now she knew the whole world would eventually see it, if he could manage to see it himself.

"You look - I mean it's - wow," she stuttered.

Brendon crinkled up his nose; "Really?" he turned to face the mirror again pulling on the black shirt not liking the exposure of skin. 

Aveline smacked his hand away.

"Ow! Whad'ya do that for?" he asked shooting her a curious look.

"It's supposed to show skin dip shit, stop pulling on it," she stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him. She made a circle with her hands around his abdomen where the shirt rode up a bit, "This," she informed him, "is sexy," she continued, "girls will love it." she finished.

Brendon was hesitant, "I don't know."

"And this," she ran her index finger down the exposed skin the V allowed to show, "is also sexy," she added, "very."

Brendon didn't know why that made him tingle the way it did, but she was definitely proving her point and very quickly.

"And anyway Bren, when have you ever been shy?" Aveline reminded him.

He shrugged, "True. You make a valid point."

"Don't I always?" she smirked.

He rolled his eyes and laughed just as her cell phone vibrated. She didn't mean to smile the way she did, but it caught Brendon's attention.

He grinned, "Who's that, your lova?" he teased.

"What? No," she defended herself.

"You seem pretty happy about a simple little text," Brendon smiled and kept his eyes on her as he changed back into his other clothes.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it."

Before she could stop him Brendon had grabbed the phone from her hands.

"Brendon stop!" she begged him, "Come on," she said trying to get it back while he held it in the air, "give it back."

As Brendon pulled the phone down to eye level his smile was stolen by one little thing. A name. Ryan.

"Why are you talking to Ryan?" Brendon asked, "I mean we barely know him."

"I know," she put her hands behind her back clasping them together, then she looked down at the floor, "he asked for my number."

"And you just gave it to him?" Brendon didn't know why it bothered him so much, but it did.

"Well, yeah," she admitted, "why wouldn't I?" she explained, "if you trust him, then shouldn't I?"

Brendon didn't have a response to that, and the texts were innocent enough that he couldn't even accuse her of anything, not that he had the right to. He gave her phone back to her and picked up the clothes from the bench in the dressing room.

"I'm sorry Liri," he apologized, "I guess I'm just on edge still."

"S'fine," she smiled and took his hand in hers.

She paid for the clothing then turned to face Brendon. She ran her hand through his hair. He looked at her confused by her actions.

"Now," her eyebrows raised, "we do hair."

"Lead the way oh great one," he joked pointing the bag in the direction of the door.

The haircut wasn't drastic just some severe use of the razor so that his hair would thin out. The bangs became a bit more defined, but the side burns stayed because they both agreed they were hot. Come Monday morning, Brendon was going to be who everyone was talking about, including Audrey. It was time for everyone to see him from a new perspective, including himself.


	4. Chapter Four - Truth Be Told I Never Was Yours

Chapter Four: 

Palo Verde High School was just like any other, except that this particular school just happened to be sitting in the middle of the desert. The morning air blew a brisk wind, a reminder that winter was on its way. Vegas winters were extremely mild, nothing going below 58 degrees or so, but when that brisk wind came in people knew to break out the hoodies.  
Brendon didn't want to get out of bed, but he knew that he had to. He couldn't avoid Audrey forever and his parents would kill him if they knew he'd skipped school again. He rubbed his eyes with the edge of his palms, let out a sigh then threw back the covers. Padding over to the chair in the corner of his room, he grabbed a pair of jeans Aveline had bought for him over the weekend. He threw them over his shoulder as he leaned over and grabbed a fresh pair of colored underwear, there was no way his boxer briefs were going under the jeans. In his closet, his thumbed through his shirts. It was a little chilly today, and the shirts he'd bought with Aveline were short sleeves. He sighed because he knew that she'd be frustrated with him if he didn't follow through with the change completely. Besides, he couldn't very well wear tight jeans with a baggy shirt that would look stupid. As he was about to give up on what was in his closet, his thumb slipped between grey materials. He grabbed onto it then pulled the clothes in front of it forward to get a better look. It was his brother's old baseball shirt that he'd given him as a hand me down a few years ago. Written on the front was Palo Verde Baseball in a white cursive font, and on the back Urie with the number fifteen underneath. The shirt was ironically a baseball tee, dark grey with cobalt blue three quarter sleeves, and Brendon knew it would be snug and shorter than he'd like since it was years old. He grabbed it off of the hanger and added it to the other clothes along with a brown belt.  
After tossing them on the edge of his bed, he walked into his bathroom and turned on the shower. He pulled off his pajama bottoms and his boxer briefs leaving them lay on the bathroom floor as he stepped into the steam filled oasis, and the only place he really could be alone to think especially in his house. He closed the shower door behind him and let the hot streams of water hit his body releasing stress he didn't even know he had as the steam crawled up the shower door covering it with a cloudy film that Brendon welcomed. He reached for the shampoo bottle, squeezing some out into the palm of his hand. Using a circular motion he gently massaged the cream colored dollop into his hair saturating it. When he had a good lather he leaned his head back, Adams apple popping out, and rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. He whipped his face with his hands before repeating the motion with the conditioner.  
Brendon had been trying to dodge thoughts of Audrey all morning. He didn't want to think about her, but he couldn't help it. The soap from the green sponge he was using ran down his chest tingling his senses. This was the last place he wanted to think about her. He knew what would happen, and he wasn't in the mood, but his body betrayed him often. This was a game he would definitely lose. Suddenly, as he rinsed the soap off of his body, the heat from the water felt like her breath on his neck, her hands on his body, her lips kissing his. He put his hands up against the shower wall in front of him to brace himself as he leaned his head down and let the water run over the back of it. He was trying to forget, trying to get her out of his head. When he stood up and looked down, he knew he had a problem he would need to take care of.  
Sighing, he leaned his body against the cool tile in the shower. His head came back, eyes closing as he rested it along with his body. His hand trailed down his chest, over his stomach, then finally stopped between his legs. He skillfully wrapped it around his problem, letting out a throaty moan. Audrey's lips quickly took the place of his hand in his mind, and his breath quickened. Excitement filled his body as he waited for her memory to make eye contact with him. Eye contact is exactly what he got, but not from Audrey. His own brown eyes widened as they shot open, his hand coming to an abrupt stop.

What the fuck? 

It didn't stop the pulsating, the throbbing, the desire like he thought it would. Instead, it only heightened everything as his hand continued its motions bringing him to the edge. He sucked in a breath, biting his lip as the image of green eyes staring up at him danced pirouettes across the back of his eyelids. Breath hitching in the back of his throat and body jerking, his fantasy brought him to his peak, spilling him over. A groan he didn't recognize passed through his esophagus. He grabbed the top of the shower doors to steady himself as his breathing paced slowly. He really hoped seeing her wouldn't be awkward now. He hadn't meant to do that thinking about her, it just happened. 

Shit. I'm so fucked.

**********************************************************************  
Aveline kept glancing over at Brendon who was aimlessly looking out the passenger's side window of her car. She wondered what he could possibly be thinking because he was never this quiet.   
"You ok Bren?" She asked pulling into an empty parking space in the school lot.  
"Hm? Yeah I'm fine," Brendon answered, "just not really looking forward to being at school today." Part of that was true, the other part included being fearful of popping one around Aveline. He still wasn't sure what that was about.  
They both got out of the car and walked inside, Aveline pushing Brendon to the side a little in a playful manner and him pushing her back. She got him to smile, and she was happy with that. They stopped at her locker first and she hurriedly grabbed the books she needed for her classes and closed the metal door, locking it. Turning on their feet, they headed toward Brendon's locker. Aveline's cell phone went off, then someone else's, then another person's, until the hallway was an orchestra of ringtones, chimes, and buzzes. Aveline's face dropped when she looked at the notification. Brendon noticed.  
"What is it Liri?" He asked shoving books in his locker and taking others out.  
"I-I-It's nothing," She stuttered, "don't worry about it, it's all fucking juvenile bullshit."  
Now Brendon knew something was wrong, and he knew it had something to do with him so he grabbed her phone out of her hands. Immediately, he wished he hadn't. Right there in bold text was a list, a list of things, personal things about he and Audrey but mostly about him. To say they were unflattering would have been putting it mildly. They were just downright cruel. 

Things You Should Know About Brendon Urie

1\. Small penis, yup I’m talking not even five inches. Better luck next time girls.  
2\. Big ego, thinks he can make you come over and over but really i was just faking it. He’s shit at oral.  
3\. He likes to fuck boys, A LOT. So when he tries to fuck you up the ass you'll know why.  
4\. Does the phrase two-pump chump mean anything to you? Well it should, because that's what he is. Two pumps and he's done. Thanks for nothing.  
5\. Aggression, sexy, but not when it's borderline abusive. Get some help Urie you've got issues.   
6\. Threesomes are not normal and only happen in porns so stop asking. And he will ask.  
7\. Foreplay is vital, not every girl loves the lick it and stick it method, learn this.  
8\. Your kisses are sloppy and have too much teeth, girls want soft and romantic not virginal.  
9\. You're a crappy musician and you'll never make it. Truth hurts.  
10\. Last but not least, you're in love with your best friend. That's good too because she can deal with all this shit. I'm out.  
Brendon's breaths had become shaky, and Aveline could tell he was going to cry if she didn't do something fast. Crying would be social suicide and they'd worked so hard to make him over she didn't want him reverting back to his old ways. She knew none of that list was true, at least not by Audrey's standards. She put her hand on his arm and rubbed.  
"B," she said softly, "don't listen to her, she's a bitch."  
Brendon made eye contact with her for the first time all morning, and it was then she knew. Some of the list was true. It was then that Audrey decided to stroll by with her pose' of friends. The smirk on her face made Aveline's blood boil, and before Brendon could stop her she was crossing the hall. 

"What the fuck is you problem?" Aveline shouted pushing Audrey into the set of lockers adjacent to where Brendon stood, "what all of the sudden he's not good enough for you?"  
Audrey snorted, "Oh look, it's the new girlfriend here to defend his honor. How cute."  
Aveline didn't wait for any more retorts she balled her hand into a fist, drew her arm back and connected said fist into Audrey's face. Her nose began to bleed and a she let out a shrill shriek as she covered it with her hands.  
"You fucking bitch," she said, her voice muffled, "you broke my nose."  
Her friends began to corner Aveline, but Brendon grabbed her away just as Ryan, the singer in Brendon's band, stood in front of Audrey's friends with his friend Spencer.  
"Problem ladies?" Spencer asked.  
"Fuck off," They saluted their middle fingers as they walked away.  
Brendon looked at Ryan and Spencer gratefully, "Um, thanks." He was still embarrassed. He knew everyone had seen that message. Ryan patted Brendon on the back.  
"Don't mention it. We've got you man," Ryan smiled.  
"How's your hand?" Brendon asked Aveline as he gently reached for it.  
"It's fine," she replied, until he touched it, "Ow!"  
"No, it's not fine," Brendon looked at her with that look that meant he was serious, "you need to get it looked at."  
"To be honest I'm more worried about you," she admitted.  
"I'll be fine Liri," he faked a smile, "aren't I always?"


	5. Chapter Five - A Secret So The Spies Could Never Find Us Out

Chapter Five: 

It had been almost a month since the notification about Brendon had blown up people's phones and their interests. Other than a few stray comments here and there things were beginning to settle down for him. Fall was in full force now as it was the end of October. Two days until Halloween and a bunch of stupid parties where girls would dress like whores and guys would drool over them. Brendon was hoping to avoid them this year.   
He chewed on his pen cap as he stared down at his blank notebook paper. He had an essay due on Monday that he hadn't even started yet. He was supposed to write about whom he most admired, but he didn't have anyone like that, which is why there he was two weeks later still unable to write the paper. He tapped his pen on his paper hoping that maybe inspiration would come. It did but not in the form of his paper.

well i'm afraid that i, well i may have faked it  
and i wouldn't be caught dead in this place.

He fell back on his pillow and let out a longing sigh. As much as he hated to admit it he missed Audrey. Then again, it wasn't really her at all as much as having someone. He closed his eyes trying to relax. Thoughts of Aveline flashed sporadically through his brain until it accessed then stopped on one very familiar and important memory. 

"What do you mean Bren?"  
"I mean I k-k-kissed him," he told her biting his bottom lip, "and-"  
She waited for him to answer, and when he didn't she spoke up, "And?"  
"And he's not the first."  
Aveline sighed, "Bren," she smiled brushing her hand across his cheek and trying to make eye contact, "are you trying to tell me you're gay?"  
Brendon's head flew up, his eyes connecting with hers, "What? No!" he answered shaking his head, "Not gay, just-"  
"You like both then?" she asked trying to understand.  
"Yeah, something like that."  
She took his hand in hers, "I will always love you B, no matter what. I don't care if you like guys or girls or-or-"  
"Or?" he smiled.  
She laughed, "Everything else I was going to say was kinda fucked up," she smiled, "The point is, you're my best friend, and I love you."

Brendon, without thinking, had leaned in and kissed her. It should have been a quick peck, but it lingered a little too long, was a little too soft, had a little too much meaning behind it. Neither of them ever spoke of it again.   
A knock on his door jam woke him from his nostalgic coma.   
"Mom," he whined through closed eyes, "I told you I'm not hu-" he opened his eyes to see Aveline standing in his doorway, arms crossed leaning up against it. "Oh, hey Liri."  
"Hey yourself," she smiled, "am I disturbing something?"  
"What?" he asked not understanding, "no." Then it hit him, "No, god no," he shook his head laughing, "I'm smart enough to close and lock my door for that."  
"I sure hope so," she raised a brow as she walked into the room and sat on the edge of his desk. She looked down at the floor, moving her foot around in a circular fashion, "So, I know you said you didn't want to go to any parties but," she looked up at him, her eyes pleading, "Ryan's friend Silvie is throwing one."  
"And?" he asked sitting up and crossing his legs underneath him.  
"And I wanna go."  
"Good for you," he laughed, "have a good time."  
"Bren!" she whined, "Please come with me!"  
"Lir, I told you already, I don't want to go to any parties," he whined back.  
"There's going to be beer," she said in a sing-song voice.  
He shrugged his shoulders, "So, I can get beer anywhere," he laughed.  
She got on her knees and scooted to the edge of his bed. Placing her palms in a praying position she made one last effort.  
"Pretty, pretty please?" her bottom lip jutted out and she shook it in a fake attempt to pretend cry.  
"Oh, come on Lir, that's not fair," he protested.  
"But I really want you to go Brenny," she cooed knowing his childhood nickname would sink his battleship.  
He let out a frustrated sigh, "Fine!" his eyes widened at her, "you win," he conceded, "but i'm not wearing anything stupid, or," he held his finger up, "matching."  
Aveline stood on her feet, "No, I promise."

************************************************************************************

Brendon smoothed out his black suit jacket in the mirror. Aveline had really out done herself on the costumes. He wore a black suit with a black button up vest, which somehow had his name down one side in gold lettering. A white dress shirt with clear buttons rested underneath it, and a black bow tie laid undone around his collar. He ran his thumb over the Venetian Mask he held in his hand. It was gold with music notes embedded into part of it and whimsical gold swirls everywhere else.   
"Tada!" Aveline sang as she threw both arms into the air.  
Brendon turned around and dropped the mask in his hand. His mouth fell open as his eyes scanned her body up and down. She wore a cabaret costume, but Brendon hadn't seen it until now. It was a strapless corset top with black feathers on the breasts. The rest of the corset was blue with a thick strip in the middle designed with a peacock feather pattern. The bottom was short, very short, and had the same black feathers as the breast section only thicker and fuller. It didn't stop there though. She had on thigh highs, ones that had thick black stripes going up them, and garters held them on. On her feet were a pair of vintage Mary Jane heels, and Brendon had to catch his breath for fear he might pass out. Then, it hit him. Other people were going to see her like this, and he couldn't stand the thought of that, not the guys from their school anyway.  
"No," Brendon said matter-of-factly.  
"No?" Aveline asked offended, "What do you mean no?"  
"I mean," he bent down to pick up his mask, "you can't wear that."  
Aveline laughed, "Uh, I can wear anything I want," she corrected as she grabbed her blue and gold mask, much like Brendon's, from his dresser. She played with the peacock feathers sticking out of the side feeling scolded like a little kid.  
"I know that," he agreed, "I didn't mean it that way, it's just -"  
"Then tell me," she cut him off, "what way did you mean it?" she looked at him, her eyes daring him to challenge her again.  
"I-I just mean that the guys from our school are assholes, and I don't want them coming on to you."  
"Excuse me?" she raised her brows. He was digging a hole. "So, you don't think I deserve to be hit on?"  
"No, no, that's not-" he stopped himself, "you know what? Just forget I said anything ok? I don't wanna fight with you." he gave her a half smile.  
They didn't speak on the car ride there, and it was beginning to make Brendon uncomfortable. He knew he had fucked up, but the silent treatment had gone on long enough. Now it was just her being a bitch. He was just trying to protect her. She pulled to a stop on the side of the street, but as he reached for the car door she stopped him.  
"I'm sorry Bren," she bit her bottom lip then looked down in her lap.  
"For what? I was the asshole," he took the blame. She looked so god damned beautiful he couldn't be mad at her, "Now stop biting your lip, you'll ruin your lipstick," he grabbed her chin lightly with his thumb and forefinger and rubbed his thumb across her cheek.  
"No, you weren't an asshole. You were being cautious, and it was really noble of you," she told him, "It's just -" she paused.  
"What is it Liri?" Brendon asked really not understanding what was wrong.  
"Today is the day."  
"The day?" he asked confused. After a moment his eyes widened, "Oh my god Liri I'm so fucking sorry," he was out of his seat and wrapping his arms around her within seconds. Tears soaked his jacket but he didn't care. It was never easy for Aveline when the anniversary of her parent's death came around, but Brendon had always been there for her. Tonight was no different.  
She pulled away, "God, I must look like shit now."  
He rubbed his thumb underneath her eye, wiping away the runny mascara, "Nothing we can't fix," he assured her with a half smile, "you sure you wanna do this?"  
She nodded.  
"Okay then, lets get you cleaned up," he smiled.  
The party was in full swing when they walked in the front door, Aveline clutching onto Brendon's hand like a crutch. He pulled her passed all of the people in the living room and made a bee line straight for the kitchen and the alcohol that he knew would be waiting. Their masks hid their faces down to their noses, all that showed were his pale cheeks, pink lips, and well defined jaw line. On her, the olive complexion of her cheeks, her red stained lips, and the outline of her feminine jawline. No one knew it was them, not even Ryan, Spencer, or Brent. Brendon found that funny.  
He stood next to Ryan, who stood by the refrigerator talking with Spencer and Brent. Brendon leaned in and grabbed two beers, handing one to Aveline as he closed the door again. He flashed a smile at Ryan who, in turn, gave him a strange look. Ryan couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew that he had seen that smile somewhere before. Brendon and Aveline began drinking their beers, smiling and laughing, but no one seemed to notice them and they were fine with that.  
"Brendon!" Ryan's voice was raised and his index finger was extended in Brendon's direction.  
Brendon laughed and looked at his half drank beer, "It took you long enough. This is my third," he shook his bottle at Ryan.  
"Is that?" Ryan asked looking over at Aveline.  
She rolled her eyes but no one could really see due to her mask, "Yes Ryan it's me, and don't even think about hitting on me," she laughed.  
"I wasn't going to," he blushed.  
Brendon raised his eyebrow, "Yeah right," he snorted taking a swig from his beer bottle.  
"Oh my god!" A female voice shrieked, "Ave?" she touched her arm and Aveline turned around to face her, "It is you! You look fucking hot!"  
Aveline was annoyed, "Thanks," she replied trying to ignore her drunken acquaintance. She wasn't that lucky though, and the girl grabbed her arm and pulled her away from her actual friends.  
"What the hell Jas?" Aveline asked when they were alone.  
"Shh," she hushed her from a small corner in the living room.  
"What's wrong?" Aveline asked her looking around.   
"I thought you should be aware that Audrey is here," Jasmine informed her with a hiccup.   
If Aveline's head could have spun around like the girl on the exorcist it would have right then and there, "What?" she asked. Her tone was serious.  
Jasmine nodded and carefully pointed in Audrey's direction. Aveline followed her finger and sure enough there she was. Fuck. Brendon was not going to like this.  
"Thanks Jas, I gotta go." she told her, but before she could make her way back to Brendon there was some announcement about a game of spin the bottle. 

What the hell? Are we in middle school?

"Oh come on, this will be so fun!" Jasmine wrapped herself around Aveline's shoulders pulling her over to where the circle was forming on the floor.

Yup, I guess so.

Aveline sat on her knees next to Jasmine. Brendon waved with a half smile from the other side of the circle. She waved back and gave him the same half smile. She mouthed the words 'I'm sorry' to him, but he just shrugged his shoulders. Aveline took her index and middle finger and placed them together tapping them to the side of her neck twice. Brendon's brow furrowed. That was their signal that something was wrong. 'What's wrong?' he mouthed. Aveline stealthy pointed in Audrey's direction. Brendon's eyes followed her finger, and then stopped on what was wrong. He bit his bottom lip and turned back to his original position keeping his eyes on the ground.  
"And girls have to kiss girls," the guy who started the game said, "but guys don't have to kiss guys."  
"Well that's hardly fair," some girl piped in.  
"Oh just fuck it," Jasmine said as she got up and grabbed the bottle out of the guy's hand. She spun it and waited.  
When she was done it was Aveline's turn, and she realized that she did not like this game at all. She wrapped her fingers around the bottle and spun keeping one hand behind her back with her fingers crossed she wouldn't get anyone gross. She watched as the bottle spun around and around, holding her breath she closed her eyes not wanting to know. Then she realized that the only people who knew her and Brendon's identities were their friends and Jasmine.  
When she heard the bottle stop her breath hitched in the back of her throat as she opened her eyes. Right there in front of her, no denying it was the bottle with the neck pointing directly at Brendon. A wicked smile painted across her lips.

If Audrey wants drama, I'll give her drama.

Aveline crawled on her knees to the middle of the floor and motioned Brendon over with her finger. He met her there in the same position.  
"You don't have to do this," he whispered.  
Aveline's smile was suggestive, "I want to," she whispered back, "trust me."  
"30 seconds begins," the guy who started the game said, "now."  
Aveline pressed her lips against Brendon's, but he was surprised when he felt her tongue part his lips and turn a simple peck into a passionate kiss. She reached around to the back of his head with one of her hands and untied his mask letting it fall to the floor, revealing his identity. She then did the same to her own. Brendon moaned into the kiss even though he hadn't meant to. He had no idea what she was doing, but he liked it and from the sounds the circle of people was making, they did too.  
"Time's up," the guy said, "Jesus, you only had to peck," he laughed.  
Aveline took Brendon's hand and pulled him away from the circle and back the hall to a bedroom where she closed the door behind them.  
"What are we doing back here?" he asked nervously.  
"Making Audrey jealous," she smirked.  
"Oh," it finally clicked what was going on, "think it worked?" he laughed.  
"Oh most definitely. Did you see that look she gave us?"   
He shook his head.  
"It was classic."  
The room fell silent and normally Brendon wouldn't mind that but right now there was an oddity in the air he couldn't quite place. He didn't like it. It made him unsure of what to do or say and how to act. He felt completely stripped of himself. Then, it happened. Aveline kissed him, for real. She pressed him up against the wall, her mouth hungry for his. His bottom lip sucked into her mouth and she bit on it lightly causing him to moan low in his throat.  
"What are you doing?" he asked, his mouth inches from hers. His lips swollen.  
"What does it look like?" she asked running her hands up and down his clothed chest.  
"Liri," his voice was painfully soft, "I don't - I mean - We shouldn't -"  
"Shh," she put a finger to his mouth before replacing it with her lips, "I don't want to think tonight. I want to forget. Make me forget," she urged running her fingers down the side of his face and pressing her body into his. Her fragile green eyes met his unsure brown ones, then her lips moved to his ear, "Please Bren," she whispered, "you're the only one who can and I need you."  
That was all he needed to succumb to her wishes. It didn't take long for clothes to be shed and for that foil wrapper to be opened. After that, he pressed her body, front first, against the wall. She moaned arching her back toward him. He used one hand to guide himself inside of her and the other rested on her hip. She let out a loud moan when she felt him fill her up.  
"She was so, so wrong about number one," Aveline told him her breath hitching.  
Brendon laughed and kissed her neck, "Are you ready to forget?"  
She nodded.  
He grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled her head back as she let out a pleasurable moan and he began to make her forget.


	6. Chapter Six - You Are Taking Me Apart Like Bad Glue

Chapter Six: 

Halloween had surely been a night of tricks and treats, only the treat part wasn't candy, it was lips, tongues, fingers, bodies, moans...and the consequences not a stomach ache but a heart ache, one that made the whole body throb. The next morning neither Brendon nor Aveline said a word to each other. She just drove him home, they said a casual goodbye and that was that. Aveline had wanted to talk to him, to tell him thank you for sharing something so intimate with her, to tell him it meant more than anything he had ever done for her. For some reason, she couldn't. Her lips were sealed together by super glue that did not exist. Her mind was a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, and she genuinely had no idea what she could say. So, she stayed quiet while she watched him walk across the street, looking back at her once, then across his lawn and to his back door.  
The worst part about the situation they were dealing with was that they weren't dealing with it at all. It was the day before Thanksgiving and neither of them had brought it up, although Aveline was sure Brendon had tried to a few times. The nearly month since Halloween had kept both of them busy with their schedules and separate lives. They had spent time together but not as much as they had before, until the holiday where people were to be thankful for one another shoved them together whether they wanted to be or not.  
As tradition had gone in the past, Aveline and her sister, Ella, always spent Thanksgiving with the Uries. Having lost their parents at a young age it was only the two of them, and holidays became rather lonely. Brendon's mother finally put her foot down years ago and had insisted that the both of them spend the holidays with them, which neither of them argued about. Brendon's family was great. Full of love, laughter, singing, cheer, and yes, fights, but in the end people kissed and made up. It was just one of those houses you wanted to be in around the holidays, one you needed to be in, especially in their situation.   
Aveline walked into Brendon's room and laid her backpack, with a change of clothes and pajamas in it, on the floor next to the door. Brendon looked up from his notebook and smiled.   
"Hey," he tapped his pencil on the pad in front of him.  
"Hey," she leaned against the door jam with her arms folded, a small smile on her face.  
Brendon rolled over so that he was on his side, his elbow rested on the bed and he put his head on the palm of his turned up hand, "You gonna come in or are you just gonna stand there?" he smirked.  
"Shut up," she joked laughing at him, "Everyone is getting ready to play football," she told him, "you coming or are you afraid I'll kick your ass like last year?"  
Brendon bolted up from his spot on the bed, "Pshh," he teased her playfully, "Yeah right."  
She raised her eyebrows, "Okay then, show me what you've got big boy," she headed for the stairs but as she reached the top Brendon was already in front of her. Half way down the staircase he stopped and turned to look at her.  
"And I think I already have," he smirked.  
She huffed. He had done that on purpose to get at her. It had been like this since it happened. She couldn't really blame him though; he was doing the best he could.   
When she walked outside the Nevada sun was warm, the perfect day for a game of backyard football. Everyone was huddled around Brendon's father. She put her hand above her eyes in an effort to shield it's light as she listened to what he was saying.  
"Rules are the same as always," he began, "fellas," he said, "you can tackle until your heart is content, but," he continued, "if I see you tackling any one of these here ladies. I'm gonna be on your ass like bees on honey," he pointed the football at each one of his sons, "Got it?"  
Aveline heard a bunch of groans and mumbles as she walked over and joined the group. Brendon's sisters greeted her with a smile and her own greeted her with an elbow to the side. Her sister snickered as Aveline rubbed the spot where she had accosted her giving her sister a dirty look.   
The game was going well, everyone laughing and having a great time. Then something happened, something none of them expected. Brendon's oldest brother, who was on Aveline's team, had the ball and the only opening the team had was going long, so she did. He threw her the ball and she caught it. She began to run toward their marked goal, but before she could make it Brendon pounced on her knocking her to the ground. She could hear the disapproval in everyone's voice as they scolded him, but he didn't care because he wasn't moving. She managed to turn herself so that she was on her side. She looked up at him.  
"What the fuck is your problem?" she asked. She could tell this was not a friendly tackle and her feelings were hurt. She didn't understand why he was being so mean. She did, but she didn't think it warranted this.  
"Give me one good reason why I should let you up?" he challenged not breaking his straight face.  
She pushed the ball out from under her. She didn't care about football anymore. She rolled herself all the way around so that she was pinned underneath him, "Let me up Bren," she pushed against his chest, but he didn't move, "Come on, I mean it!" her voice was raised, and she used all of her energy to burst at him. He lost control of his hands that had been planted on the ground and fell next to her. She sat up.  
"God Brendon what the hell?" she brushed the dirt off of her arms and stood up. The tears came next as she ran into the house, her sister right behind her.  
He knew she was on a whole other level of pissed because she never called him Brendon. His family stood around him, all of them crossing their arms expecting an explanation.  
"You had better start talking," his father warned him, "or I'll get it out of you, and you won't like my methods."  
Brendon looked up at him. His eyes were watered over, and his father knew this was not the time or the place for a lecture. He needed to talk, not about what he had done but something else, something more serious and obviously pressing.  
"Come on," his father said holding out his hand for Brendon to take, "let's go."  
"Dad please," Brendon begged, "you don't understand."  
"I know," he agreed, "you're going to make me understand. Just the two of us. So, come on."  
Brendon reached up and took his father's hand. He was hoisted up off of the ground and on to his feet. He hung his head as he walked passed his siblings and got into the car with his father.  
That night Brendon slept on the couch in the den, only he couldn't sleep. He lay awake, his arm draped over his forehead, staring at the ceiling. His father tried to console him, tried to make him understand that maybe Aveline was having just as hard of a time with this as he was, but if she was she didn't show it. 

God, why didn't I just say no?

He laughed to himself.

Like I could ever say no to her.

"Bren?" he heard a hoarse female voice say in a faint tone.  
He sat up and squinted trying to see through the darkness, "Liri?" he asked unsure by her tone, but he'd know that scent anywhere, "are you okay?"  
She ignored the question as she walked into the room, "What are you doing in here?"  
He tripped over his words, "I-I thought it would be better if I-"  
"You didn't have to do that," she cut him off, "it was no big deal."  
He was confused, "What was no big deal?" he needed confirmation.  
She shrugged, "This afternoon," she told him, "I mean you were obviously an asshole but I can forgive-"  
He immediately stood up, "Are we ever going to talk about it Liri?" he asked raising his voice too loud, much louder than he should have, "Because I don't know about you, but it's driving me mad, eating me up inside. I can't take it anymore."  
She started to cry, covering her face with her hands, "I'm so sorry," came out in a muffled voice.   
He tried to hug her but she backed away, "Don't, just don't," she sniffed.  
He stayed quiet. He felt guilty when he shouldn't have. He was right. They needed to talk about it. His father was right. They needed to talk about it.   
"Liri..."  
"I know Bren. I know," she sniffed again, "You want answers, and you deserve answers. Only, I don't know if you'll like the ones I give you."  
"Honestly, I'll take anything right now. Just don't shut me out like you have been," he begged of her.   
She fumbled for his hands, and when she found them she laced their fingers together, "I love you, do you know that?"  
"Yeah, yeah I know that," he assured her.  
"I would never do anything to hurt you, do you know that?"  
"Yes Lir, I do."  
A silence fell over the room.  
"Is this the part where you tell me that you don't feel the same way as I do?" he bit his lip hoping, praying she wouldn't say yes to that.  
She laughed a little, "No," it was an honest answer but there was more to it, "but I can't be with you either, not the way you want."  
"I don't understand."  
"I've lost so much," she explained, "if we go down that road and things get bad, then I might lose you too. I could never live with that."  
"You're not going to lose me," he promised.  
"You can't be sure about that, neither of us can."  
The silence came again.  
"I'm in love with you Liri," he confessed.  
She squeezed his hands, "I know."  
"You know?" he was offended, "that's all you have to say to that?"  
"Bren please," she pleaded with him, "I can't..."  
"Tell me you don't love me Lir, tell me and I'll never bring it up again."  
"Stop," she begged him.  
"You can't do it can you?" he pointed out the obvious, "You're in love with me too aren't you?" he pushed.  
"Yes! Okay?" she shouted, "I'm in love with you too!" she confirmed, "but it doesn't matter," she was crying again, "Because I can't. We can't."  
"Why?"  
"Please don't make me choose between our friendship and this...I can't-It's too much Bren, after what happened to my parents I..." she trailed off.  
His shoulder muffled her sobs as he pulled her in, wrapping his arms around her, "It's okay Liri," and it was, "We don't have to."  
She locked her arms around him and held him as tight as she could. She knew it wasn't easy for him. It wasn't easy for her either and maybe at some point she would be ready, they could be together and it could work, but not right at that moment. She was scared, too scared. The feelings were too much, like electricity shooting through her entire body all at once. It was safer to keep him at arm's length even if it made her selfish. She could handle that. She had been called worse.  
Yes, right now they were friends, best friends, who just happened to be in love with each other.


	7. Chapter Seven - You Could Cause You Can So You Do

Chapter Seven

The days that followed Thanksgiving were both awkward and emotional for Aveline and Brendon, she had hoped that things between them would return to normal, but she was wrong. It started slowly with small excuses, and then gradually grew to the point where they weren't hanging out at all outside of school. She knew he had the band, which she didn’t hold against him, but he promised he wouldn't let this happen. They both promised. She felt incredibly stupid. 

I am stupid. How could I expect him to be okay with this?

She let out a long sigh as she rested her hands on her stomach. She lay on her bed, flat on her back. The ceiling wasn't interesting and it wasn't giving her any answers either. Finally, not being able to stand the silence or the thoughts racing in her mind, she grabbed her pillow and screamed into it. 

Now, now Aveline you did this to yourself.

Aveline had pulled the pillow off of her face but still had her fingers wrapped tightly around its edges.  
"Shut up," she said aloud, "Stupid conscience," she whispered. Her phone vibrated on her nightstand breaking her out of her self-loathing. She reached over, grabbed it and slid her thumb across the bottom. It was a text from Brendon.

Brenny: Can't make it. Sorry. Don’t hate me. :/

She rolled her eyes and put her phone back on the nightstand. There was no point texting him back; it wouldn't make her feel any better. She got up on her knees and pulled back her covers. All she wanted to do was disappear. She thought perhaps if she buried herself deep enough under her covers maybe, just maybe she would.  
If Aveline only knew the truth she wouldn't be so upset with Brendon. He really did have a good reason for his behavior, and it had nothing to do with what had happened between them. Brendon was spending all of his extra time with Ryan, the guy whose band he had joined. They had grown close since school started, and Brendon had taken over as singer.   
Ryan was having a hard time at home. His father was a raging alcoholic and incredibly abusive. It all came to the forefront about a week after Thanksgiving. 

Ryan was setting up some new stuff when Brendon had walked in. It was clear from Ryan's reaction he hadn't been expecting anyone.  
"Brendon," Ryan's eyes flew open, then he remembered the black eye and looked back down at the table, shaking his head so that his dirty blonde hair was covering his eye, "What are you doing here?"  
"Uh, practice?" Brendon laughed throwing his backpack onto the floor.  
"You're early," Ryan pointed out.  
"Yeah, I have the night off work," Brendon explained, "You sound annoyed, should I leave?"  
"No!" Ryan's voice sounded desperate as he grabbed Brendon's arm but didn't look at him, "Stay," his voice softened again.  
"Ryan," Brendon's voice held concern, "What's wrong?" he put his hand over Ryan's. Their fingers interlaced as their hands fell down in front of them. Brendon tried to duck underneath Ryan's head to catch his gaze, "You can tell me you know," he assured him.  
Ryan laughed, "It's not exactly something you talk about," he bit his lip, "At least not openly," he raised his head and looked at Brendon.  
"Shit Ryan, what happened?" Brendon asked.  
"My dad," Ryan told him pulling away from their hand holding and pacing around the room, "He drinks, always has. It's nothing new," he shrugged.  
"So he always does this?"   
"Pretty much."  
"That's not okay Ry," Brendon gave him validation his father was wrong, "It's so not okay."  
"I know," Ryan agreed, "But what am I supposed to do? He'd kill me if I fought back. I'm so small compared to him. God Brendon," he slid down the wall and put his head in his hands.  
Brendon sat down next to him and put his arm around his shoulders, "We'll figure it out Ry," he soothed, "I swear it."  
Ryan looked over at Brendon and gave him a half smile, "Thanks Bren," he put his hand on Brendon's knee.  
"You don't have to thank me," he pulled him into a hug, "You'd do the same for me."

Since then, Ryan had been spending a lot of time at Brendon's house, and the fact that Brendon couldn't tell anyone Ryan's little secret was why he kept flaking on Aveline. He had wanted to tell her so many times but bit his tongue instead. He promised Ryan that he wouldn't tell anyone, not even her. Ryan had no idea what he was asking of Brendon. Keeping secrets from Aveline killed him just as he knew the situation at hand was killing her.   
Brendon sighed and walked into his narrow closet. He thumbed through his clothing looking for something to wear. He looked up when the light in the small space began to disappear and saw the door closing behind Ryan.  
"What are you doing?" Brendon laughed.  
"Trying to find some place quiet," Ryan informed as he reached his hands out searching around in the dark for Brendon. When he found him, he ran his hands down his arms stopping on his hands then intertwining their fingers, "I thought we could talk," his voice was pure velvet as he took a step forward, then Brendon took one back, until Brendon was pinned against the back wall.  
"About w-w-what?" Brendon stuttered not knowing exactly where this was headed.  
Ryan laughed and pulled away from him, "I really had you for a second," he said still holding on to Brendon's hands.  
"You asshole!" Brendon pulled his hands away so that he could slap Ryan's arm.  
Ryan took that as a sign of battle and began to tickle Brendon. His giggles were loud and filled the closet.  
"Ry, stop!" Brendon cried, "P-please," the laughter shook his body, and his knees were getting weak, "I m-mean it!"  
When Ryan stopped his body was pressed up against Brendon's. He could feel the rise and fall of Brendon's chest as he regained normal breathing. It was hard to see his face with the very little light coming through the bottom of the closet door, but Ryan knew he wasn't smiling anymore. This was the moment. He wanted this moment. He put his hands on the sides of Brendon's face and kissed him. Brendon let out a moan that neither of them were expecting as he put his hands on Ryan's hips pulling him closer. Ryan nipped at Brendon's bottom lip, sucking on it then biting it. Brendon whimpered as his hands moved to Ryan's ass pulling him even closer, so close that he fit perfectly into Brendon's body. His right leg was in between Brendon's with the left on the outside of Brendon's right. They were like two pair of scissors that had been opened and shoved together.   
"God Bren," Ryan breathed into Brendon's ear as he kissed his neck.  
Brendon could feel how excited he was, how turned on he was, how much he wanted it, but he was in love with Aveline, and he couldn't do it.  
"Ryan," Brendon's voice was soft but urgent as he gently pushed Ryan's shoulder's back, "I-"  
"I know," Ryan was disappointed, "You're in love," he said it out loud to remind himself and to let Brendon know that he knew his reasoning, "It's okay. I get it."  
"Ry," Brendon whined a little, "Don't be mad at me," he added, "I-you're-" he stuttered, "I feel something for you too. It's confusing."  
Ryan hadn't expected to hear Brendon say that.  
"You feel something for me?" Ryan's tone told Brendon that he really didn't believe that.  
"Of course I do," he admitted, "Other than Liri, you are my best friend. I love you," he continued, "But we have a bond most dudes don't have and to think that might not lead us somewhere is stupid and naive."  
The stillness and quiet that fell over the closet was awkward for both of them, and then Ryan spoke up.  
"You should fight for her you know."  
Brendon pushed passed Ryan and opened the closet door letting them both out.  
"It's not that simple," Brendon told him, "She doesn't want me to fight."  
"Yeah I know," Ryan gave him a sly smile, "Doesn't mean you shouldn't."  
Brendon laughed a little, "Ry," he turned to face him, "You know her," he reminded, "I can't push her or I'll push her away."  
"True," Ryan agreed picking up a framed photo off of Brendon's desk, "or," he looked up from the frame, "You could remind her that other than her sister," he stepped a little closer to Brendon, "You're the only constant in her life," he finished showing the framed photo to Brendon even though he knew that Brendon knew what it was. It was a photo of them fishing together when they weren't more than seven or eight.  
Brendon rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't know Ry," he ran his hand down his neck and then let it drop to his side, "With everything going on with you," he sighed, "I don't think I have the energy or the courage to be honest."  
Ryan put the frame back and shrugged his shoulders, "Okay," he said in a tone that told Brendon he agreed to drop the subject, "By the way," he added, "Spencer asked me to spend Christmas with him and his family."  
"Oh," Brendon replied sounding disappointed.   
Ryan's mouth curled up in a wicked grin as he stepped into Brendon's personal space, putting his hand on the small of his back pushing his body forward until it crashed into his, "I know you want me Urie," he breathed against his lips, "but you don't have to sound so damn sad about me not being here."  
"It's just-I-I-" Brendon couldn't think with his lips that close, his breath hot and his body tight against his where he couldn't hide any bit of how he was feeling.  
"Aww, what's wrong?" Ryan taunted, "Having trouble with your words?"  
It was then that Brendon crashed his lips into Ryan's not being able to help himself. His brain told him it was a bad idea but ironically his brain wasn't even listening to itself it was only responding to his body's primitive desires.   
Ryan smiled against Brendon's swollen lips, "You're enjoying this eh?" he asked brushing his hand over Brendon's length through his jeans, "Fuck," he whispered kissing below Brendon's ear, "You're so hard."  
Brendon whimpered under his touch, biting his lip and craning his neck so that Ryan had full access to mark him if he wanted to, as much as he wanted to.   
"Fuck," Brendon moaned as Ryan's mouth fervently sucked on the skin covering his collarbone. Ryan stopped when the purple bruised was dark enough. Brendon whimpered at the loss of Ryan's lips.  
"Why'd you stop?"   
"I can't give you all my best moves in one shot can I?" Ryan laughed, "Besides, I haven't really given you your Christmas present yet."  
"But I didn't-"  
Ryan puts a finger to Brendon's lips to shut him up, "No talking," he orders him as his hands trail down Brendon's chest then stop to rest on his belt, "Now, I know it's a week early but-"  
"Are you-"  
"No talking I said!" Ryan's voice was stern then he bit Brendon's bottom lip, but Brendon could tell it was a punishment not a reward. It only turned Brendon on more and Ryan seemed to have figured that out because he was on his knees leaving kisses up and down Brendon's length through his jeans. Brendon wanted to make noise, to moan, to groan, to scream, to pull Ryan's hair, but silence meant silence. So, he grabbed the bottom of his bed frame and thanked god that it was a metal one. He wrapped his fingers around the cold metal and let his head fall back as he felt Ryan undo his belt, unzip his jeans and rub him through his underwear. He bit his lip, he was so hard, and it almost made him embarrassed, almost.   
Ryan eagerly pulled Brendon's jeans and his underwear down to mid thigh. He wrapped his fingers around Brendon's length. This made Brendon's head shoot up, a groan bubbled to the surface from deep within his throat, as he looked Ryan in the eyes.   
"Wow," Ryan smiled as he ran his thumb under the base and up to the slick head, "Leaking already huh?" Ryan kept his eyes on Brendon as his tongue danced around the under side of the head then back over the top again, making circles before taking him in deep.  
"Fuck," Brendon let out without thinking but to his surprise Ryan did not correct him. Brendon let one of his hands tangle into the back of Ryan's hair pushing him, both of them moving in the same motion.   
"It's nice," Ryan says still fisting him, "your cock."  
"Thank you," Brendon breathes, "Please," He begs, "Ry-Please-I-Please."  
Ryan puts his mouth back on Brendon.  
"God, Yes!" Brendon growls.  
Ryan wraps his hand around the base and keeps his mouth above it, and they move in unison, then he begins to hum.  
"Fuck, oh shit, shit Ry, fuck I'm going to-" Brendon pulls harder on Ryan's hair needing him to feel what he's feeling even though he knows it's not the same.  
A million stars explode behind Brendon's eyes as he feels himself spill into Ryan's mouth.  
"Fuck Ry, Jesus Fuck!"  
Ryan continues sucking until there is nothing left and Brendon's leg is shaking. He pulls up Brendon's underwear and his jeans, and then buckles his belt.   
"Merry Christmas Urie," Ryan smiles inches from Brendon's lips. He kisses Brendon on the corner of the mouth before leaving room, and leaving Brendon utterly speechless, for once.


	8. Chapter Eight - Things Are Shaping Up To Be Pretty Odd

Chapter Eight:  
(Brendon's POV)

I do have feelings for Ryan but it's not the same as it is with Liri, with him I feel, I don't know something, but she and I have known each other forever. When I'm with her, I feel like I'm everywhere in the world I've ever wanted to go, I feel completely content, I feel home...So, I can't very well compare the two because it just isn't possible. I think Ryan was right about fighting for her, though I'm not sure I can.   
It's Christmas Eve and my family is big on the holidays, especially Christmas. For instance, my mother put the Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving. Then, as if that is not bad enough, we get a real tree about a week before Christmas. Yeah, I'm serious. The fake one goes in the family room, and the real one goes in the more formal living room, by the fireplace. This is also where we open presents, and believe me there are a lot of presents because there are a lot of us.  
I can't complain though, a lot of people don't have what I have, and after my family got over the initial shock of my wanting to leave the church we've never been closer. I'm thankful for all of them every day. Today however, I am most thankful that Liri and her sister can spend the holiday with my family and I. You know, because of their parents and all. I haven't spent proper time with her since Thanksgiving, and I know she's upset with me for that. I've got a lot of explaining to do, but most of all I've got a lot of affection to lavish on her. I mean, hey, she deserves it.  
I hear my mom's voice echo through the house, and I get up knowing that Liri and her sister are here. I could never forget that voice as I hear it speaking back to my mom. I hurry down the stairs, then round the corner in the kitchen with a huge smile on my face. Normally, I would run over there and hug her but with our current situation I don't feel like that's a great idea, so I just walk over casually and stand next to my mom.  
"Hey," I pipe in cheerfully. God Brendon, sound less pathetic why don't you.  
"Hi Bren!" Ella greeted me with a tight hug. That's Liri's sister.  
I look at Liri, and she's just biting her bottom lip. Her sister nudges her softly. She finally looks at me. Well, she looks at me but at the same time she doesn't.  
"Brendon," she says in a formal greeting of sorts. Never in my life has hearing my own name hurt so badly.  
Fuck, she called me Brendon? She's more pissed than I thought.   
"Liri," I lower my voice, "I'm-"  
"I'm gonna go put my bag in the den," she tells my mother as she pushes through the both of us. My mom looks at me surprised, and then she hooks her thumb in the direction Liri walked off to.  
"What's going on with you two?"  
I roll my eyes, "Nothing," I lie, "Just," I try to think of how to put it, "Something I have to fix. Please don't interfere ok?" My eyes are begging her, pleading with her to stay out of it. She grabs my face and kisses me on the forehead.  
"Okay," she agrees, "I trust you," she tells me, "I'll leave it be."  
"Thank you," I breathe.   
I tried to get information out of Ella, but she isn't talking. Figures. Now, I'll have to get through dinner with Liri not sitting next to me and not talking to me. Fuck Brendon, you did a great job fucking this Christmas up didn't you? Pat yourself on the fucking back.   
I stay in my room, playing my acoustic, until my mom calls me for dinner. I don't really want to go. I'm not even hungry. I know that I created this mess, but fuck she could at least talk to me about it. I walk into the dining room and take my usual seat at the table, then pull out my phone and start to play a game. A few minutes later I feel my phone being yanked from my hands.  
"Set the table," my oh so loving mother tells me. Does she not understand that I just want to sit here and wallow in my own self-pity? I let out a heavy sigh, get up from my seat and walk into the kitchen. I'm literally just lingering in there, my eyes fixating on everything but my brain is not connected to them. I'm in my own world, a world where I didn't fuck up, a world where. I begin to laugh. What the fuck is wrong with me? This is not that big of a deal and she'll understand once I tell her, just gotta get her alone.   
I gather what I need from the kitchen and set the table. It takes me almost fifteen minutes due to the number of people we have, but I don't mind. I love every god damned on of their annoying asses. Just as I lay down the last of the silverware my oldest brother grabs me around the waist and tackles me to the living room floor. He has me in a headlock and is now tickling my ribs. I'm giggling like a fucking schoolgirl but telling him to get the fuck off. I keep yelling for our mom, but she never comes. Typical and like I said, annoying.   
We all finally sit down at the table. Liri sits across from me instead of next to me. Good, at least I can look at her. Maybe, possibly get some eye contact? I don't know something to make this feel less awkward. Once everyone is in full conversation and stuffing their mouths, I try to talk to her.  
"So Liri, How've you been?" I ask biting my bottom lip.  
She turns to her sister, "Isn't the tree beautiful this year?"  
What? Maybe she didn't hear me.  
"Liri, How-"  
"Mrs. Urie!" Liri says in an excited voice to my mom, "You have out done yourself this year on the decorations."  
Fuck. She's doing it on purpose. She's ignoring me. I look down at my plate never feeling so shitty about myself. I push my food around not wanting to be around anyone, craving my cave, my room, needing to retreat. The only thing that can fix what I'm feeling are six strings intricately threaded along mahogany and ash and the sound that they make when my fingers dance with them.  
I throw my napkin down on my plate and run upstairs to my room slamming the door behind me. I know I made a scene. I'm probably going to get grounded but I don't care. I grab my guitar and sit down on the edge of my bed and just fucking play. I don't even know what I'm playing at this point, but I do know I'm playing hard because my thumb is killing me and...  
FUCK! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I jump up from the bed, letting my guitar fall on the floor. The broken string is dangling in the air and I'm covering my face with my hand as I run into my bathroom leaning over the sink. Shit! God Damnit that hurt! I want to cry, but I know if I do it's going to sting like hell. I sure don't want that feeling right now. Especially when I know I have a gash. Getting lashed by a guitar string is not fun or pretty. I reach for the towel hanging on the back of the door and press it to my face. Fuck it burns. I close my eyes, squeezing them tight. I'm hoping if I do that then I'll be more concentrated on that then the pain. When the blood stops dripping into the sink, and there was a lot of it, I raise my head to look in the mirror. Gross. It's a nasty one. I have a nice four-inch gash across my right cheek. Fuck, can this day get any worse?   
After cleaning the wound and getting a super stern lecture from my mother, it's late. I decide to go sit by the fireplace and enjoy the fire that has not yet gone out. Everyone has gone to bed and it seems a fitting place to be. I grab the blanket off of the back of the couch and pull it over my legs, then cross my arms I rest them on the arm of the couch and rest my head on top of them.  
"Hey," I heard a soft voice say, and I knew who it was. I guess she was talking to me now. I don't move. I just turn my head a bit to look in her direction.  
"Hey," I sound defeated. I know I do, which I really don't want to but after the day I had...  
She walks closer to me and stands there for a few minutes not saying a word, and then finally she speaks up.  
"I'm sorry Bren," she admits.   
Hey, she called me Bren. How about that?  
"I know I've been a total bitch to you today."  
You think?  
"It's just," she starts to pick at her nail polish, "I didn't understand why-" she bites her lip, "I thought you were-"   
I can't bear to see this anymore because I'm not an asshole, so I sit up and pat the place next to me on the couch. She reluctantly crosses over more of the living room and sits next to me. I put my arm around her.  
"I know what you thought," I tell her, "I'm an asshole and I'm sorry." I kiss her forehead. It's then that she notices the gash.  
"Holy fuck, what happened?" she asks, and her eyes get wide. Those eyes.  
"Guitar string broke. S'okay. Doesn't hurt much," I'm totally lying.  
"Oh," she looks at me like she isn't sure she believes me, "Okay."  
We're both quiet as we stare at the fire, and I know I have to explain.  
"So, if you weren't ditching me," she starts, "Then what were you doing?"  
I sigh and know I am betraying Ryan's trust, but I also know that Liri wouldn't tell a soul so Ryan would never find out.  
"Ryan," I tell her.  
"Ryan?" she asks me, and I mean why wouldn't she I didn't give her much to go on there.  
"What I meant to say is, Ryan's dad is an alcoholic. He tends to get a little hands on if you catch my drift."  
"Fuck really?"  
I nod, "Yeah, and he needed a place to crash for awhile, but he didn't want anyone knowing, not even you," I explained, "God, I wanted to tell you so many times. I hated what it was doing to us."  
"Well, I won't tell anyone Bren," she puts her hand on my knee and looks me right in the eyes, "I swear I won't."  
I smile, "I know you won't," I tell her, "It's why I'm telling you now."  
"You know that this makes you even more amazing," she grins but it's a little more wicked than normal.  
"Does it?" I ask with a laugh, "I would hope that -" and I don't get to finish that sentence because it's right then that she leans in and crashes her lips against mine.


	9. Chapter Nine - I'll Even Have The Courtesy Of Admitting I Was Wrong

Chapter Nine:  
(Aveline's POV)

When I pull back from the kiss he doesn't say anything, but I don't expect him to. He's confused, why wouldn't he be? It's only been a month since I told him I didn't want to do this with him. I was confused too, but spending less time with him made me realize that I don't want him not in my life ever again. I'm not sure it's the right thing to do. I'm not sure of anything, but tonight in the light that the fire casts over him, I'm sure he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, even with the betrayal of a guitar string etched into the side of his face.   
I reach to trace the outline of the wound, and he grabs my wrist gently.  
"Don't," he tells me. His voice is soft and it cracks a little.  
"What's wrong?" I ask, but I already know.  
He looks at me. His eyes are the color of milk chocolate, and I just want to get lost in them, just dive in and never come back. He still grips my wrist. It seems as though he has a purpose for doing it, though I don't know what it is yet. I wonder if he can feel my pulse, feel how fast my heart is beating?  
"You can't just go back and forth," his voice is an octave louder than a whisper, and he sounds like I've knifed him, "I'm not a play thing," he continues, "I'm a human being and I -"  
I put my finger to his lips and allow my eyes to settle in the depths of his milk chocolate ones.  
"I know that," I assure him removing my finger, "I kissed you because," and I stop because I realize I don't really know how to explain it, "Because," I try again, but it still escapes me.  
"Because?" He urges me to tell him.  
"Because I was wrong," the words spill out of my lips before I have time to think about them. More words are coming, I can feel them, but I know all of them are true.  
"I thought staying just friends was the right thing to do, but it's just making both of us miserable," I admit, "I fucked up okay? I freaked out. I mean fuck Bren, you're my best friend, you're, you -"  
He leans in and kisses me softly. His hand wraps around the back of my neck pulling me closer. I've never been more grateful for an interruption in my life. His lips are just, oh god, his lips. The kiss deepens as I climb onto his lap, straddling him. His tongue asks for entry into my mouth by pressing against my lips, and I give it to him. Now my tongue dances with his, running up and down the muscle, circling it, sucking on it. I feel like I might pass out. This is officially the best kiss ever, like ever, ever.   
I moan into his mouth, and push myself further onto him. His breath hitches, and he stops kissing me, and I know what I've done.  
"I'm sorry," I bite my lip, "I didn't realize you were-" I can't finish the sentence, and I don't need to because he knows what I'm talking about as both of our eyes focus on the erection, full and obvious in his jeans. He laughs as he throws his head back. It's only back for a moment before he looks at me. I'm on my knees hovering above his lap. He grabs my hips and pulls me back onto him. I let out a very desperate moan as he grinds me into him.  
"How can you still not understand what you do to me?" He whispers in my ear. His lips are on my neck placing hot, hungry kisses right below my lobe. At this point I know I sound like a wild animal using her mating call to attract suitors. I don't care though. He's killing me, and he should know it. He sucks on my neck as I grind my hips on him. His cock is hard, very, very hard, and even though I've felt it before it's a different sensation through his jeans. It's hitting all the right spots and it's going to make me lose it. My head falls back, but his lips stay attached to my neck as sexy groans leave his mouth vibrating my skin. I feel his lips on my chin then down, down my neck and oh god, oh god he's going to make me...  
My body feels like it has been blown apart in the best way as I burry my face into his shoulder to muffle my sounds. My legs squeeze his thighs, and my body is shaking. He rubs his hands up and down my arms. I pull back and kiss him.  
"That was fucking hot," he smiles on my lips.  
"Yeah?" I ask, and he nods, "I think," I tell him as I begin to grind on him again, "It's your turn." I give him a wicked smile as my lips graze his neck.  
His hands rest on my hips pushing me down harder, needing more friction, wanting it, desperate for it. I reach around to the back of his neck and thread my fingers into his hair. When I have a handful I pull on it. He moans, and my mouth goes to his ear.  
"Come for me baby," I whisper, "Come for me Bren, Come for your Liri."  
That does it because he grabs me, sinks his teeth into the side of my neck next to my collarbone and his body jerks hard. It's all I have to keep quiet when I feel his teeth, it's so good yet so painful. I could almost come again, but I don't. I just wait for him to regain composure.  
"Fuck," he breathes long and hard, "You're going to get me into trouble," he smiles.  
"I think I already have," I laugh a little.  
He pulls me in for a soft kiss.  
"So, this is really real?" He asks me, "You're really all mine?"  
I grin, "Yes Bren, I'm really all yours," I confirm, "I always was I just didn't know it."  
His smile gets big, and he kisses me again, "Merry Christmas Liri," he whispers on my lips.  
I smile, "Merry Christmas Bren."


	10. Chapter Ten - I'm Wrecking This Evening

Chapter Ten

Palo Verde High School began to fill its hallways with students. The holiday break was over and everyone disapproved. The kids were more sluggish than usual, dragging their feet, rolling their eyes, and lingering at their lockers longer than they should. Aveline was amongst these students. She leaned against the lockers next to hers and examined herself in the mirror that hung on the inside of her open locker door. Lifting her head and cocking it to the side a little, she examined the territorial marks Brendon had left on her neck. No matter how hard she'd tried she couldn't cover them up all the way. She put her hand over them, and a smile erupted on her lips.  
She and Brendon had been official since Christmas Eve or rather Christmas morning. After that, Brendon couldn't keep his hands off of her and neither could she keep her hands off of him. They were lustful teenaged sex machines for eleven days, and now it was back to the grind of school and the real world. Aveline hated the thought. Her place was with Brendon. Anywhere else just felt wrong. She was broken of her negativity as she felt two arms wrap around her, pick her up and swing her around. She let out a small gasp.  
"Liri!" Brendon called her name with excitement in his voice, "Guess what?" His eyes were wide when he put her down, his hands resting on her shoulders.  
She laughed, "I don't know," she shrugged, "What?"  
"They want us," he told her.  
She looked at him confused, "Who wants you?"  
"Pete fucking Wentz wants to sign us. God Liri, do you know what this means?" Brendon ran his hands through his hair as he walked in circles in front of Aveline. He stopped only when he realized she was waiting for an explanation.  
"Baby," he cooed, "We talked about this remember? We talked about what would happen if the band got lucky enough to-"  
"I know that," she cut him off, "But realize this all means a lot to me too."  
Brendon chewed on his bottom lip. He understood what she meant, and he knew that being away from her for months was going to be hard. Not in the sense that he would be unfaithful but that he may be distracted by his emotions for her. Then, she would be here without him. Here, in this shitty town with nowhere to go, and barely anyone to spend time with. The guilt began to set in.  
"Liri I-"  
"Wait," she stopped him because she knew what he was going to say, and she didn't want him sacrificing anything for her.  
"I'm really happy for you Bren," she bit her lip while they curled into a smile she's not sure is real.  
"Really?" He asks looking at her eyes, trying to connect to her.  
"Yes really, and you should go and record this album. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."  
Brendon stepped forward and wrapped her in his arms. He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but somehow they would make it work. It was them, they had to. It wouldn't be right if they didn't. As he walked her to class he talked himself into the fact that they'd be okay. It made him feel more confident, and that's what he needed.

***************************************************************************

Winter turned into spring fairly quickly, and before they knew it Brendon and Aveline were high school graduates. Ryan decided to throw a party at the practice space in honor of them leaving to record their album. Aveline was happy to attend as Brendon's other half, but it was bitter sweet.  
The practice space was hardly recognizable with all of the equipment broken down, replaced by a plastic table with refreshments on it. Brendon, walking hand in hand with Aveline made his way over to the table.  
"You want something to drink?" He asked over the loud music playing.  
Aveline shouted back, "Yeah!" Then she nodded in the direction of the red plush couch that always sat against the back wall. He nodded as he let go of her hand, and she walked toward the back of the room.  
A few moments later Brendon joined her. He sat next to her, handing her one of the drinks in his hand. They didn't say anything to each other. It was far too noisy for a conversation, and neither of them would have known what to say if they could have spoken. Brendon reached for Aveline's hand, taking her finger and entwining them with his. He squeezed a bit, and she squeezed back as they looked at each other with unsure smiles. They sat and held hands until they finished their drinks. It was then that Aveline leaned in and spoke into Brendon's ear.  
"Is the punch spiked?" She laughed.  
He raised an eyebrow at her, "Of course it is," he smiled.  
"Good," she smiled back, "Getting drunk is a good idea."  
"I concur," he replied pulling her up from the couch.  
Aveline was right, getting drunk was a good idea, but it wasn't going well on her end. She sipped on her drink, not knowing what number it was but knowing she was highly buzzed. Watching Brendon, she knew he was trashed. He and Ryan were dancing on top of the table. At first they were dancing apart, but then it got interesting. They both moved closer to each other simultaneously until their bodies were touching. Aveline dropped her cup on the floor, not caring about the mess. She knew Brendon was into guys, but she never imagined what she was watching. Brendon caressing Ryan's cheek, Ryan's hand resting on Brendon's hips. They had the attention of the whole room. Aveline held her breath hoping he wasn't going to do what she thought he was going to do, but he did. Right in front of everyone. He leaned in and grabbed Ryan's bottom lip between his teeth, pulling on it a little. Ryan groaned and pulled him in for more. Aveline couldn't look anymore when she saw Brendon's tongue leave his mouth and enter Ryan's. It wasn't that it was a guy, it was that he was doing this in front of everyone and they all knew that she was dating him. She felt stupid and betrayed.  
The tears were hot against her cheek as she pushed her way through the crowd and out the front door. She couldn't breathe.

Why is he doing this to me? If he wanted Ryan why didn't he talk to me? He always talks to me. I don't understand.

She leaned up against the building, the security light shining down on her like a beacon of shame. She wasn't alone long before Brendon came rushing out the front door.  
"There you are," he said as if he was worried, "I've been looking for you."  
"I'm sure you were Bren," she bit sarcastically.  
He moved closer to her, "Are you crying?"  
"No shit dumbass."  
"Why?" He had the audacity to ask.  
She laughed, "Are you fucking kidding me?"  
He shrugged.  
"What was that back there?" She points toward the front door of the practice space, "You and Ryan do that often? Cause you looked pretty damned comfortable."  
"Baby, that didn't mean anything it was just a show," he explained.  
"A show for who?" she glared at him, "It sure as hell didn't look like a show."  
"Baby please," he pleaded as he reached for her, but she pulled away.  
"Don't be mad at me, I swear it's nothing," he told her again.  
She crossed her arms and pulled off the wall, "You know, I think I would have been okay with it if you had just told me the truth, but you lied, and you're still lying. This isn't you Bren," she felt cold even though it was the beginning of June and 85 degrees, "Is this the first time it's happened?"  
Brendon's silence answered her question and simultaneously cut into her like unexpected paper cut slicing open a finger.  
"Maybe we could use this time apart," she sighs, her tone sad, almost defeated.  
"What's that mean Liri?" He spun on his feet to look at her as she walked back to the front door.  
"It means, we could use this time to think about what we both really want," the truth was never pretty, especially when she told it. She began to walk again, but then stopped and turned to look over her shoulder at him.  
"And don't call me Liri. You've lost that privilege," she sniffs, the tears falling steady again, "I'm gonna get someone to drive me home," she tells him turning away.  
"L-" he stops himself, "Ave wait!" Brendon's heart ached having to call her that.  
"Good luck Brendon, I'll see you when you get back," she doesn't look at him, and then she disappears behind the white door to the practice space.  
Brendon stands alone, his heart beating fast, his eyes wide with fear.

What the fuck have I done?


	11. Chapter Eleven - I'm Going Numb, I've Been Hijacked.

Chapter Eleven  
(Brendon's POV)

Recording the album is a nice distraction from the emptiness I am feeling. All I want to do is make everyone proud, my parents, Spencer, Brent, Ryan but most of all Liri. I should never have gotten that drunk. I should have told her about Ryan. What the fuck is wrong with me? She is everything to me. If she asked me to drop Ryan right now, I would, in fact, I have. Nothing has happened between us since we got here a month ago, and I'm totally fine with that...I think.  
Ryan looks at me like I should be doing something else other than sitting on the couch staring at my phone. He doesn't understand. I miss her. I'm dying without her. I can't take it. I'm going to lose my fucking mind if she doesn't talk to me soon. I've apologized through texts and voicemails a million times but still nothing, and I think I've royally fucked up. What if she doesn't forgive me? I start to lose my breath. I put my hand over my chest and lean over. I don't think I'd make it. No, I'm sure I wouldn't. I would die. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I jump.  
"You okay man?" Spencer asks genuinely concerned.  
I sit back up trying to regain my composure, composure, wait that's it!  
"Ryan!" I spring up from the couch, "The line in that song," I tell him, "The one we couldn't figure out I-"  
He cuts me off, "You mean the one that's figured out but needs work?"  
Why did he always have to correct me? Does my opinion not matter? Am I just a voice to him? Suddenly, I don't feel like telling him my idea anymore. I feel like getting the fuck out of here. I laugh, shake my head and turn on my feet then head for the door.  
"Hey!" Ryan calls after me, "Aren't you going to tell us whatever it was that you were so exuberant about a second ago?"  
"I lost it," I'm lying, and he knows it. He lets me walk out the door, and I'm not surprised. I lean against the building and pull a cigarette out of my pack. I never smoked before I joined the band but somehow I picked it up, and it was a habit I didn't want to get rid of. I wish I had a joint, that would be far better, but I guess the nicotine is going to have to do for now. After I light it, I inhale deeply letting my head fall against the building as well. I close my eyes and try not to think about her. I fail miserably because she is the first thing that shoots across the back of my eyelids. Her face haunts me, that smile, the one that is only for me, it's burnt into my memory, married to the temporal lobe in my brain. Unless I am up for a lobotomy she's not going anywhere anytime soon, at least the memory of her isn't.   
The door to the studio opens, and I turn my head as I stub out my cigarette with my foot. It's Ryan. I fold my arms; it's a clear indication that he's not invited into my personal space.   
"We have to talk," his voice is stern.  
"So talk," I nod my head in his direction.   
He sighs heavily like he's annoyed with me. Well, fuck him.  
"Brendon," he begins, "I know you miss her. I get it," but he doesn't. How can he?  
"But we're doing something really important here. I need you here with us, not off in la-la land."   
What? What did he just say to me? I shake my head in disbelief he could be so cold about it.  
"Are you fucking serious?" I snap at him, "I am here Ryan!" My voice is raised, and my temper is starting to flare. I'm digging what nails I have into my palms.  
"No Brendon, you're not," he scolds me, "You're constantly on your phone or out here smoking. Your head is in the clouds, and I need it down here on earth. In the real fucking world."  
That did it. He pushed me too far with that.  
"Fuck you Ryan," I make sure my tone cuts, "You're just jealous I'm not all over you," and it's true. I know it is. He doesn't know how hard this is, to have to choose between them. It's fucking torture, and I can't stand it, but I love her. I can't lose her. I don't want to lose him either, god why can't he just understand?  
"Really Urie?" He laughs, "You think everyone just wants your cock?" The smile doesn't leave his face, "I've got news for you," he puts his hand on my shoulder and leans down until his mouth is by my ear, "I don't want it, and neither does your precious Liri."  
The words cut fucking deep and they'll leave a scar. I back up quickly, the tears come fast. They are hot and angry. My hands drop to my side, but my fists are still clenched. I want to hit him. I want to beat the fucking shit out of him, but I won't. I know I won't, because there is a reason his words cut so deep. There is a reason he affects me so much. There is a reason he makes me feel small when I am around him. The truth? The guy who stands in front of me, the guy who used linguistics to inflict a wound, he's the deepest secret that nobody knows. Part of me is part of him and vice versa. I can't explain it, and I wouldn't even if I was asked. I guess I love him too. No, I do love him. That's the problem.


	12. Chapter Twelve - Just Be The Death Of Me

Chapter Twelve  
(Aveline's POV)

There is an emptiness in my chest. It's a dull ache radiating through my whole body, and it scratches, and it pulls, and it burns, and it's Brendon. The wound he inflicted but never licked clean. How could he? I wouldn't let him. That night, the night of the party, I wish I would have talked it out with him, but the sting of his lie was too much at the time. It is even now.  
He's been gone for two months, and I find myself thinking of him all the time. A grey V-neck tee shirt that he'd left here at some point now serves as my pillowcase. I know it's pathetic, but it smells like him. I miss him so much. I miss the way it used to be. As it is now, I don't even answer his texts or his calls because I can't. I don't know what to say. I'm so broken on the inside that I don't think I have a voice, not for him anyway. If I fell too hard on the ground I'm sure I would shatter into a thousand pieces. I'm that fragile.   
My sister is a God sent. She's been nothing less than amazing, but she's always been good that way. She doesn't ask me a lot of questions. She just tries to keep me busy with mundane things and leisurely activities. The other day we drove to Los Angeles just for the hell of it. The beach is amazing, and yesterday it did not disappoint. While we sat on the sand letting the sun tan our skin, Ella decided to question me carefully about the predicament. Her questions treaded lightly and never hurt or offended me.   
"I love him Ella," I admit to her, "I don't want anyone else," I continue to tell her, "He's the one, my one."  
Ella sits up on her elbows and pulls her sunglasses up. She looks down at me.  
"Ave," and I know that voice. The one she uses when she's unsure.  
"You're so young," she reminds me, "Both of you," uh yeah I know that sis.  
"Are you sure you want to be tied down like that?"  
I sit up quickly, "Tied down?" I laugh, "It's not a prison. It's a relationship."

We didn't discuss it after that. She knew better than to bring him up to me right now.   
I feel my cell phone buzz in my pocket. I know it's him. I pull it out to look at it. My heart feels like it stops beating and my breath hitches in the back of my throat.

Brenny: Okay, you win. I will leave you alone. I fucked this up and I'm sorry. I will never forgive myself. But please don't think any of this was because I didn't love you enough. I did. I do. I always will. Take care of yourself yeah? Love, B

No! Shit! Fuck! Just no! He isn't supposed to give up! What is he doing? My anger begins to bubble to the surface, but then I realize that I've given him no choice. I've been shutting him out since it happened. How he must be feeling. How small, how incompetent, how trapped. Fuck! This is so hard. On the one hand I want to forgive him, open my arms and let him come to me, on the other I close my eyes and all I can see are visions of he and Ryan. The visions aren't what hurt. I need to make that clear. I am a girl. Ryan is a boy. We have different parts, different things to offer. I'm not upset about that. It's just a constant reminder that he lied.  
I sigh and fall back onto my pillow, the one with his shirt attached. I breathe in his scent and the tears start to fall immediately. Soon, I'm in a full-fledged sob, grabbing the pillow and hugging it to me. I'm shaking, wailing, falling apart again. I have no control because I left it with him. I can't let him go. Not responding to that text would be my biggest regret, and I can't have that. It's time to face the music, kind of literally. I sit up on the bed and grab my phone, then open my texting app to reply.

Liri: Bren, I don't want you to go. I mean, I want to talk about this. Please. I know I've been shitty to you, and I'm sorry...

A few minutes go by, but they feel like hours,

Brenny: I don't know...I think, maybe, I don't know...

What the hell? What does he mean he doesn't know?

Liri: What? Are you breaking up with me?

An immediate response,

Brenny: I'm not sure. Maybe it's for the best?

The tears begin to fall again. My heart feels like it beats double time in my chest. The four walls I am contained in feel like they are closing in, and I feel like I am suffocating.

Liri: Is this about Ryan?

Another immediate reply,

Brenny: No. I just don't know. I'm so...confused...lost? Let's just talk when I get back. I can't deal with this right now.

I don't answer him. My brain is still trying to process what my eyes have just seen. He did a 180. Yesterday he begged me back, and today he's saying this bullshit? I scream out in frustration and throw my phone across the room. It luckily lands on my armchair, but I think it would have satisfied me more if it broke. Putting my face in my hands, I let the tears flow, let the sobs erupt, let the pain flood me because in the end I know he's going to be the death of me, so why not welcome it?


	13. Chapter Thirteen - How I Miss Yesterday, How I Let It Fade Away

Chapter Thirteen

The sound of the van door opening jarred Brendon out of his sleep. His eyes shot open, and he lifted his head from where it had been resting, on the van window. Stretching his arms over his head, he let out a long sigh that turned into a yawn. When his eyes had fully adjusted there was no mistaking they were back home.  
He hopped out of the parked van and began to help Spencer unload the gear. They needed to get it all back into the practice space until the tour in a couple of weeks. None of them had expected any of this let alone for it to happen as fast as it was. It was one of the reasons Brendon had decided to let Aveline drift away from him. He thought that she'd be happier without him. Even if it hurt, in the long run, he thought it was for the best.  
It wasn't until he was home and plopping body down, face first onto his bed and into his pillow that his mind started to race. He loved her. Nothing he could do or say could make him forget that. The feeling of not having her, whether physically or not killed him. He rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He laughed, remembering that staring at a ceiling never solved anything. If he wanted to fix it he was going to have to do it himself. So, tucking his tail between his legs and shoving his pride aside he made the decision to go to her.  
Aveline had an open suitcase lying on her bed. She stared down at it, motionless. A lot had happened in the last few weeks, a lot she hadn't been prepared for. She was doing the right thing in her mind though. Brendon had made it pretty clear that he wanted to break up. He just didn't want to do it through text. Ella's fiancé was a really great guy, and he offered for Aveline to come with them when they moved to Connecticut. At first she was leery. She wanted to believe there was still hope with Brendon, but she soon gave up that thought when her attempts to text and call him failed.  
A knock on her bedroom door caused her to turn around quickly. She wasn't expecting anyone, and Ella wasn't home. Her eyes widened when the door opened all of the way revealing a very exhausted looking Brendon. She wasn't ready for this, not now, not ever. She let out a long sigh.  
"Brendon," she breathed, "You're back."  
"Yeah, I just got back a couple of hours ago," he informed her, his eyes scanning the room. Boxes full of Aveline's things sat open on the floor of her room, and Brendon was confused.  
"Are you going somewhere?"  
"I am actually."  
"Oh," his voice lowered with uncertainty.   
"Can we just get this over with Bren?" She asked him sitting on the bed and picking at her nail polish, "It hurts bad enough without you being here for an extended period of time reminding me of -"  
"I'm not here to break up with you," Brendon cut her off gently, "Is that what you think?"  
Her eyes hurry to meet his, "You're not?"  
"No," he rubbed his face with his hands as he moved closer to her and got on his knees, "I'm an idiot okay? I should have talked to you when you wanted to," he explained, "I guess I just thought..." he trailed off looking down.  
"Thought what?" She lifts his chin with her hand.  
"You'd be better off without me."  
"How could you ever think that?" Her tone was harsh but not because she was angry. It was because she was shocked, "Brendon, I love you. Why would I want to be without you?"  
"You look like you're doing just fine," his face was sheepish and sad as he looked around at all the boxes then back at her.  
"You think this is what I want? Brendon you, I mean fuck why didn't you just trust me enough to tell me the truth?"  
"I'm sorry," he looked down again, "I knew you'd be hurt, and I didn't want that. I wasn't meaning to get involved with him. It wasn't like that. I swear to you."  
Silence can be deafening, especially when it comes to relationships, but Aveline didn't leave it that way for long. She couldn't.  
"I'm not upset about the whole guy thing you know."  
His head shot up, his glossed over eyes connecting with hers, "You're not?"  
"No, I'm upset that you kept it from me," she admitted, "We don't keep secrets Bren. Especially not ones like that."  
"I know," he agreed, "I'm sorry."  
"I believe you," she kissed him softly.  
"What about all of this?" He asked about the boxes, "What is it anyway?"  
"My sister got engaged, and her fiancé said I could move with them if I wanted."  
"Move where?"  
"Connecticut."  
"But," he stood up, "I'd never see you."  
"Yeah, I know. I wasn't planning on us being together. I thought you were going to break up with me."  
"I couldn't do that Li-" he stopped himself remembering her words.

"And don't call me Liri. You've lost that privilege."

"I mean Ave. I couldn't do that," he finished.  
She got up from the bed and stepped closer to him, caressing his cheek with her hand.  
"I will always be your Liri," she kissed him again, this time with more hunger, more passion, more love, "I never should have said that, and I'm sorry."  
He doesn't answer her but pulls her in again for a long drawn out kiss. Aveline backed up and fell onto the bed next to the suitcase pushing it out of the way. Brendon followed and lay on top of her. His weight felt familiar, and good, and right. She pulled at the hem of his shirt, it came up his torso, then over his head and finally off. She threaded her fingers through his hair moaning on his lips. He rolled them over so that she was on top, then he pushed her to stand up while he stayed lying down. He bit his lip as he looked at her.  
"Get undressed," he whispered to her as his hands rested on his belt.  
She smiled as she obeyed his command. Her shirt came off slowly then her hands ran down her sides and to the button on her shorts.  
"Is this what you want?" she asked, her voice low and seductive.  
"Yes, fuck yes," he breathed rubbing himself through his jeans.  
She took off her shorts and went over to him, spreading his legs apart. Getting on her knees, her hands fumbled with his belt until it came undone. She hurriedly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down his zipper. He moaned when her fingers slipped under the waste band of his boxer briefs, she pulled both those and his jeans off at the same time. His cock responded in kind by springing backward and lying fully erect against his stomach.   
"Why are you not naked?" He asked aggressively as he grabbed her hair with one hand and undid her bra with the other. His mouth went to her neck, as it always did, and she practically whimpered at the touch of his lips. She'd almost forgotten what they felt like. The hand that took off her bra was now inside her underwear, rubbing her exactly where she needed it the most.   
"Oh god," she moaned throwing her head back allowing his lips to roam wherever they wanted.  
"You like that baby?" he whispered.  
"Uh huh," she told him in a pleasurable whine.  
His lips attached to her neck as he let his fingers slide inside of her, "Jesus, you're so wet."  
"Fuck!" She cried out, "Oh, god, yes."  
As his fingers moved faster he used his thumb to make a circular motion over her clit.  
"Oh, fuck, yes, right," she panted, "there," she grinded herself onto his fingers wanting more, "Oh god Brendon, you're gonna make me come."  
She could feel him laugh on her neck, and that's when her first orgasm hit. Her legs were shaking, her breathing labored, she was out of it until his lips on hers snapped her back into reality. She got off the bed and rummaged through her nightstand until she found what she was looking for. She handed him the foil package.  
"How do you want me?" she asked submissively.  
Brendon put his index finger to his lips as if he were lost in thought, then he smiled.  
"Bend over," he told her, but he didn't wait for her to do it herself. He pushed her over onto the bed, her ass exposed in front of him. He ran his hand over it a few times, "Such a nice ass."  
She was whimpering and pushing toward him, and he knew she wanted it. He used one hand to hold her hip, and the other to guide his cock inside of her. He let out a loud groan when his length filled her to capacity. Then, he wrapped his arm around her stomach and pulled her onto him over and over, harder each time she came back. She came on him again, digging her nails into his arm. The feeling of her nails in his flesh forced his orgasm to the surface. The next time he pulled her back he stopped, shaking, pulling her body upright with his, kissing her.  
"Come on tour with me," he said more than asked.  
She pulled away looking confused, "What?" She asked, "Is that even allowed?"  
"Not this time, but when we headline I can do what I want," he told her, "and I don't want to be without you. Please come with me."  
"Bren, I don't think-"  
"Liri, look what happened to us this time," he reminded, "I don't want-"  
"Okay," she cut him off to agree.  
"Yeah?" He asked with excitement in his voice.  
"Yeah," she smiled kissing him again.


	14. Chapter Fourteen - Nothing Rhymes With Circus

Chapter Fourteen

The band's first tour only lasted for a month, then the release of their album followed in September. A Fever You Can't Sweat Out, a fitting title for an album written by a boy with teenaged angst and sung by a vocalist who never held back. Ryan and Brendon made a good team, despite the fights, the late nights making melodies work, getting vocals just right, they had a certain lien étroit about them, and no one could touch it.   
The Nothing Rhymes With Circus Tour began in November. The boys were excited to be headlining their own tour. The rehearsing they had done, the shows they were going to put on were nothing less than amazing. Brendon had even learned to dance, an attribute that would come in handy when he had to do a number in the show with the back up dancers. The tour was broken up over the holidays and into the New Year, it was a lot of dates, but they didn't seem to mind. Aveline gave in to the fact that the tour bus would be her home for a good while.   
Having never been on a tour bus before, when she walked onto it her mouth dropped open at the lack of space. Brendon had told her this bus was bigger than their last. She wondered how the hell they had survived each other over the summer if that were the case. She sighed and laid her duffle bag on the last bottom bunk near the back on the right. At that moment she was glad she was so in love with Brendon, otherwise sleeping in the tomb she'd just laid her bag in, with someone else, would be hell. She felt hands on her shoulders and immediately relaxed. Brendon looked over her shoulders at the bunk and knew what she was thinking. He gently turned her around.  
"Baby, it'll be great," he told her nudging her chin with his knuckle, "You'll see," he smiled.  
"You're right," she agreed, "I guess I'm just..."  
"What?" he took her hands in his, intertwining their fingers, "You can tell me, whatever it is."  
She looked up from the bus floor and caught his eyes; they still made her weak in the knees.  
"I'm scared," she admitted.  
"Of what? I'm here, you don't need to be scared."  
"I know that Brendon," she assured him, but her eyes diverted to the bus floor again, "But I mean, this is my home now. When this is over I have no where-"  
"Your place is with me," he cut her off, gently picking up her chin with his fingers and placing a soft kiss on her lips. She was quiet when they pulled away. It worried him.  
"Unless," he paused, "You don't want that."  
"No, no Brendon that's not it," She squeezed his hands, "I just, I don't want to hold you back or tie you down. This is your-"  
"Hold me back?" He asked cutting her off again. He was surprised that she would think that was even possible, "How would you be holding me back?"  
"I don't know just-"  
"Stop," he whispered cutting her off a third time, "Just stop it okay? You're not holding me back or tying me down. I want this. I want you," he kissed her with a little more passion this time, placing his forehead against hers when it was through, "Okay?"  
She nodded, "Okay," her voice was barely audible.   
"God, get a room," Spencer joked as he brought his stuff back to the bunk area.  
"We have a room, it's right here underneath you," Brendon laughed as Spencer threw his bag into the top bunk.  
"Ah man," Spencer sighed, "You two better be quiet about things," he pointed an accusatory finger at both of them and raised an eyebrow. They both laughed.   
Ryan squeezed passed Spencer and laid his bag on the bottom bunk across from Brendon and Aveline. Brendon knew he'd done it on purpose because Ryan always slept on the top bunk. He wanted to keep an eye on them and he could do that if he were directly across from them. Brendon didn't care, he had Aveline and that's all that mattered to him. He had managed to avoid physical contact with Ryan since the night Aveline caught them, and he wasn't planning on making any now or in the future. He loved her too much to hurt her like that again.  
Ryan turned around, looking Brendon directly in the eyes, "Now," he said, "If you two are going to fuck, I'd appreciate if you'd use the lounge," he nodded toward the back of the bus, "Some of us don't want to be privy to that."  
Brendon laughed, "I think I'll fuck her wherever I want."  
"No, you wont," Ryan shot back, his eyes wide with something Aveline couldn't put her finger on.  
"You might make the rules in the studio Ryan, but you don't make them on the bus," Brendon reminded him, "Come on," he pulled Aveline by her hand, through the small hallway and into the living area. He'd never been so angry with Ryan. 

Who the hell did he think he was? He can't tell me what to do with my girlfriend.

Brendon bit his bottom lip as he stood staring out the front window of the bus. Chewing on his lip was a sign; he was anxious, nervous, or upset. Aveline couldn't tell which one he was. Brendon couldn't shake off Ryan's energy. It left a bad taste in his mouth, but it also left him pumped up, his body felt overheated, and he hadn't done anything. Brendon's hands balled into fists, his nails digging into his palms. He wanted to feel anything other than what Ryan was making him feel. Anger was turning into rage, and the worst part was he'd never wanted to get down on his knees and suck someone's cock so much as he wanted to suck Ryan's right now. He stormed off of the bus leaving Aveline to guess what the hell had just happened.


	15. Chapter Fifteen - So It Seems I'm Someone I've Never Met

Chapter Fifteen  
(Brendon's POV)

Avoiding Ryan has become part of my daily routine. I might not be able to stop the thoughts I have about him, but I can make sure I have as little contact with him as possible. He hates it too, but fuck him, and fuck him for making me feel things I don't want to feel. Try explaining to your girlfriend why you are rubbing one out while sleeping next to her in the bunk when she's already fucked your brains out before you fell asleep, it doesn't go over very well I promise.  
No, Liri is not really happy with me right now. She knows something is going on, and she knows I'm not talking about it. So, we do what all young couples do to get by, we get high and we fuck. Only, for her, it's a passing thing. For me, it's a little more complicated. We are halfway through the tour, and I'm finding myself increasingly agitated every second I'm not on something. I've been trying to fight it to no avail, but I have to be careful. If Liri finds out I'm snorting coke up my nose 24/7 she'll leave my ass for sure, and I don't want that. I'm just...God, I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  
I don't party with the band. It happens away from them so as to not draw attention to myself or the other guys. Liri and I usually go to a party, and it's true, she'll do the drugs there with me and then we'll go to a room or back to the bus and fuck, mostly because we're high, but also because we can. She's quite the little vixen when she's high. This is not the life I want for her. She should have nice things, a nice house, a nice car, a big fat diamond on her finger, but I know that's not going to happen, at least not right now anyway. Before this tour started, that's all I wanted, but something is changing in me. I can feel it.  
When I wake up in the mornings I immediately leave the bunk. I used to stay in bed and cuddle with her until our stomachs wouldn't let us anymore. All I want in my life right now is to be alone. What the fuck is wrong with me? I know what it is, but I won't admit to it. I won't admit he's made me push Liri away. How could I let him do that? Fuck, I do love her, more than anything. I'd take a fucking bullet for her, hell unload the whole gun on me if it means she'll be happy. I can't do this. I can't hurt her, not again, not with him.  
Tonight, we've just finished a set, and I'm sweaty. I just want to get these smelly clothes off. There are no showers until tomorrow when we get to the hotel, and I hate that. I hate having to smell like this. It makes me feel even more animalistic than I already do. I rush back to the bunk area as I'm unbuttoning my shirt. Liri is laying on the bunk reading. I didn't even realize she wasn't at the show.  
"What are you doing?" I ask her.  
"What's it look like I'm doing?" She retorts in a tone that tells me she's not happy.  
"I can see that," I take off my shirt and place it in a bag marked 'dirty', "Why didn't you come watch the show?"  
She shrugs, "Same show every night."  
This really gets my blood boiling, "Same show every night?" I repeat her question raising my tone.  
She rolls her eyes and puts down her book. She gets out of the bunk and stands inches from my shirtless body.  
"Don't get all worked up Bren," she tells me, "I didn't mean anything by it."  
"But you did," I grab her arm as she tries to walk away.  
Her gaze could slit me open like a sword, "Take your hands off of me," she demands.  
"No," I tighten my grip.  
"Brendon," she says my name with warning, "Take your fucking hands off of me."  
"No," I repeat pulling her to me and kissing her hard, backing her up against the bunks. She puts her hands on my bare chest and pushes me backward.  
"You're fucking high aren't you?"  
"What?"  
"You.Are.Fucking.High," she enunciates each word.  
"Don't accuse me of shit you don't know anything about," I defend myself.  
She laughs a little, "Brendon," she says, "You're always high," she laughs again.  
I try to stop myself, but before I know it my hand is coming back. Then, in a flash it's making contact with her face, swift and hard. The sound echoes through my ears, and I know I've made a very, very big mistake. She lets out a yelp and brings her hand up to cover her cheek. Her eyes stay glued to the floor, and I can see tears dripping out of them.  
"Fuck Liri I'm so-"  
"Don't!" She holds her index finger up at me, "Don't you fucking dare tell me you're sorry. You're not sorry. In fact, I think you're pretty damn proud of yourself," the tears are still falling as she grabs her sweater and leaves me standing there. I don't dare follow her because she needs to cool off. She needs to cool off a lot, if she ever does at all, which I would be lucky if she did.  
I can't think of anything else to do so I go into the lounge and close the door behind me. I pick up the acoustic that's lying in there and begin to strum it. I don't play anything in particular. I just need to hear the chords of the music, feel the vibrations of the strings underneath my fingertips because this is my first love, and she will never leave me no matter what I do. I could fuck up a million times and music would always be here for me. I play well into the night, writing down ideas on the pad lying on the coffee table. When I'm done, I put the guitar down and open the lounge door slowly. As I walk quietly toward my bunk I notice that Liri isn't in it. Shit, she never came back. I make my way to the front of the bus and stop in my tracks, my mouth hanging open, the heat in my body rising. On the couch, are Liri and Ryan, asleep, together. She's in his arms like she should be in mine. What a fucking dick. How could he do this to me? And her, what the fuck is she doing?  
I grab my jacket and storm out of the bus. They can have each other for all I care. I'm getting fucked up, and while I'm at it I'm going to get fucked, hopefully by some hot chick who isn't Liri, anything to make me forget about the two of them stabbing me in the back. Fuck man, I can't believe this. I know I fucked up. I get that, but did I really deserve this? She was pulling away just as much as I was, so why was I suddenly the horrible one? Oh, yeah, that's right. I look down at my hand. Congratulations Brendon, you've managed to push away the two people you love the most, right into each other's arms. Ding, ding, ding, you win. That's when I see her. She's blonde and looking right at me, undressing me with her eyes. I motion her over to where I sit at the bar, and she follows like a lost puppy. I want her, want to fuck her, put her scent all over me so that they can both smell it when I get back. Fuck both of them. I'll show them.


	16. Chapter Sixteen - The Bruises And Contusions Will Remind Me Of What You Did

Chapter Sixteen  
(Aveline's POV)

Brendon knew I knew, but we didn't talk about it. It was pride on my part. I didn't want to admit he cheated on me. My heart was already broken from his drug use and the fact that it seemed like he only wanted me for sex. I guess he's done with that though, because he hasn't tried in a couple of weeks. When he and I are on the bus together we don't talk much. It's like he's a stranger, which kills me, but I never let it show, not to him anyway. If we have a hotel room for the night I go to bed early and don't ask him what his plans are. We're an old married couple already, and we aren't even twenty yet.  
My time is spent with Ryan mostly. He's been there for me since all of this started. Brendon glares at us. He hates the two of us pairing up. He probably knows we're talking about him. There hasn't been a night since Brendon was unfaithful that I haven't cried about it but always, always to Ryan. He tells me Brendon is just going through something that it will pass and everything will be fine. He knows I don't believe him, but I always smile in appreciation that he's willing to try to make me feel better. I'm not attracted to Ryan in any way, but Brendon thinks I am and unfortunately this makes things worse for us.  
I keep trying to go over it in my mind, what went wrong you know. How did it all go down? He promised me that he'd talk to me if something were bothering him, and especially if that something was Ryan, which I knew it was. If he were so attracted to Ryan why would I stop him? I understood his bisexuality and if he needed to have both I would let him but not without a full discussion on the matter. I need to know how he feels, but he's been closed off for weeks. He's not even Brendon anymore, he's a coked up teenaged boy who's lost his way. The lights have been turned out in his head, and he's walking around blind, bumping into things, knocking them over, breaking them, then getting angry when it was him who turned out the damn light in the first place. God, I am so angry with him!  
I pull a few things out of my duffel bag and decide to head in to the hotel with the rest of them. I've been out here for a while. Zack was kind enough to keep watch outside while I had time to myself. When I step off of the bus I thank him, but he pulls me aside and starts a conversation with me. I think it's odd that he would do this right now because it's late, but I engage him anyway. The conversation lasts forever it seems. He keeps glancing over my shoulder at the front doors to the hotel. He's acting fishy. Finally, I excuse myself to go telling him I have to shower and go to bed. He reluctantly says goodnight, and I disappear inside.  
The hotel is nice. I don't bother hurrying to the room. It'll just be awkward silences and weird sideways glances hoping someone will say something, but they never will. We are both too stubborn right now, even though he is the one who should be kissing my ass. I don't expect him too though. Even after all he's done I still love him. He's still my best friend. He's still the little boy that I met in kindergarten that wouldn't share the crayon with me. Looks like we're not sharing our crayon again, only this time it hurts a whole lot more.  
I fiddle with the card key and the damn thing takes forever to work. Finally, the green light pops on and the door opens. I hear sounds, and my heart stops. He's not. No fucking way. The tears are already forming in my eyes as I reach for the light switch then flip it on. My mouth falls open, yes, yes he is doing what I thought he was doing, but it's so much worse than I had imagined. He is naked and on his knees on the bed, the girl in front of him bent over on all fours, he is inside of her because he keeps fucking her even though I've walked in. I can't believe he is doing this. What kind of sick fuck has he turned into? He leans over her and snorts a line off of her back. He throws his head back and wipes his nose. Then, he does something unforgivable. He turns to me, the wickedest grin on his face I've ever seen and he says it. He asks the question that ends our relationship, our friendship, that ends us.  
"Wanna join?"  
I say nothing because I can't. My throat is dry, and it feels like it's swelling up. I feel like I can't breathe. Even when I try to speak nothing comes out, so I leave and I never look back. The tears are dropping fast and furiously now, my body is shaking, and I feel as if I may explode. I bump into someone, but I don't care. They call my name, but I just can't right now. Then, I feel a hand on my arm. It spins me around.  
"Ave," It's Ryan's voice, "Hey, what happened? Are you okay?"  
My arms immediately go around Ryan's torso, my head buries into his shoulder, and tears are soaking his shirt as he pulls me along to his room. He sits us both down on the bed and puts his arm around me. I love that I can sit in silence with him and not explain myself. He waits for me to calm down, then I speak.  
"I'm done Ryan," my voice is shaky, "I want to go home."  
He brushes some of my hair out of my face and leans down to try and catch my eyes, but I'm not giving them up so easy tonight.  
"Are you sure that's what you want?" He asks brushing tears off of my cheek with his fingers.  
"Yes," I tell him, more tears coming, "I want him out of my life. I never want to see him again."  
"Those are serious words Ave, you better mean them if you say them," he warned.  
"I do," I state matter-of-factly. I look at him, my eyes are wide as I grab onto his shoulders, "Please Ry, please send me home," I beg him.  
"I thought you didn't have a home?"  
"My sister," I swallow hard, "That's where all of my things are," I explain.  
He takes my hand, "Then I'll make sure you get to your sisters," he promised, "Come on," he pulls on my hand, "Let's go talk to Zack, see how quick we can get you out of here."  
Part of me didn't want to see Zack because now I know that's why he kept looking over his shoulder. He knew Brendon had a girl in our room. If he knew why didn't he just tell me? We were certainly close enough that he could have right? No, his loyalty was to Brendon not me, and if I never heard that name again it wouldn't be soon enough. So, I walk with Ryan. We go down a floor to where Zack is staying. He seems a little annoyed we are knocking on his door, but once he sees my face he knows that I know, and I've seen it. He knows this is why I'm crying. Ryan and I step inside the room, and then Ryan begins to explain the situation. Well, the situation of my wanting to go home. He doesn't know what's happened. To my relief Zack gets me a flight out first thing in the morning, and Ryan tells me I can stay in his room.  
The next morning I know Brendon will be up late so it works for me. I say goodbye to everyone and let them know they are more than welcome to talk to me anytime they want. I spend extra time with Ryan.  
"Do me a favor okay?" I ask him straightening out his jacket.  
"Sure, anything," he agrees.  
"Take care of him for me," I bite my lip and choke back sobs.  
He looks surprised that I would care, but nods in agreement. I keep my cool until I get to the airport bathroom and then I lose it. The reality sits in that I've just left Brendon, for good. I'll never see him again, never hear him laugh or see him smile, never feel his touch again, his kiss, his - Oh God, I can't. I have to, but it's Brendon. I compose myself after a few minutes, and when they call for my plane to board I get on it, and just like at the hotel, I don't look back.


	17. Chapter Seventeen - This Was A Therapeutic Chain Of Events

Chapter Seventeen 

Zack revved the tour bus engine in an effort to hurry the boys along. Everyone boarded the bus, a very hung over looking Brendon heading up the rear. His feet were dragging underneath him, and his sunglasses were not hiding anything even though he felt better with them on. He threw himself down on the couch and put his head against his hand, rubbing circles on his temple. Ryan kept looking over at him wondering when he was going to notice. If he even did. He was so far up his own ass that no one else mattered anymore.  
Zack looked in the rear view mirror making sure everyone had boarded, when he was satisfied he pulled out. It wasn't until Ryan got up an hour later that Brendon addressed anything. He grabbed Ryan's wrist and looked up at him, his sunglasses still hiding his eyes.  
"Where is she?" He asked with poison on his tongue.  
"She's gone Brendon," Ryan shook his wrist free of Brendon's grip as he began to walk toward the back of the bus.  
Brendon pushed his sunglasses on top of his head and sprung to his feet. He caught Ryan's shoulder with his hand pulling him around so that they were facing each other.  
"What do you mean she's gone?" Brendon's eyes finally looked like his own.  
Ryan shrugged, "She went home."  
"Why would she do that?"  
"As if you don't know," Ryan laughed, "Come on Brendon, you've been treating her like shit for weeks, you cheated on her, and God only knows what you did last night because she was broken as all hell."  
Brendon sucked in a breath remembering only bits and pieces of the night. He tried to go over it in his head but nothing made sense. He didn't make sense, and he wouldn't make sense without her.  
"Where is home?" Brendon asked curiously.  
"Oh no," Ryan shook his finger at Brendon, "You don't get to do that," he told him, "She left for a reason," he continued, "Leave her alone, that's what she wants."  
Brendon sunk his head as his shoulders came up. Ryan hadn't seen him like this since he'd first met him.  
"She said that?" The thought of her wanting that hit him hard.  
"Yeah Brendon she did," Ryan's voice was softer this time as his hand rested on Brendon's shoulder, "It's probably better this way. You two were only hurting each other."  
"Y-yeah, you're right," Brendon bit his lip. He could feel the tears and the lump forming in the back of his throat. He knew he shouldn't cry there, but he couldn't help it. He did this. He fucked things up. He drove her away, hurt her, scared her, and made her not want him. The next thing Ryan knew Brendon's arms were wrapped around him, tears were soaking his shirt. He wanted to be angry with him, but he couldn't, not with him like this. He brought his hands up and rubbed his back. One of his hands went into Brendon's hair, caressing the back of his head.  
"Come on now," Ryan whispered, "Get yourself together," he tried to be supportive, "This isn't going to solve anything."  
"I-I- can't d-do this," Brendon sobbed, "I-I-love her."  
"I know Bren," Ryan soothed still rubbing his back and the back of his head, "You're going to be okay, but you have to learn from this."  
Brendon pulled back and looked at him, "I n-never th-thought she-she'd leave me," he wiped his eyes.  
"She had to," Ryan explained, "She was really hurt, heartbroken, she couldn't take it anymore."  
Brendon nodded and sniffed, "I-think I wa-want to b-be alone."  
"Okay," Ryan patted his shoulder.  
"Ryan," Brendon stopped him before he headed to the front of the bus.  
Ryan turned to look at him, "Yeah Bren?"  
"I'm sorry," he apologized, "For all of it," he wiped his eyes again, "Neither of you deserved-"  
"I accept your apology," Ryan told him with a half smile, "Why don't you try to get some sleep?"  
Brendon nodded as Ryan disappeared behind the door to the bunk area. He immediately grabbed his duffle bag and began to go through it. He pulled out every pill, every bag of coke, everything he'd been putting in his body that had led him to where he was. He went into the bathroom and dumped it all into the toilet. As he watched the pills fall into the dark abyss, the coke spread out and sprinkle into it, he realized that this was the reason she was gone. These simple ingredients concocted in someone's garage most likely, were the reason that he'd grown into an insufferable bastard causing the person he loved most in this world to run away from him.  
He sighed as he left the bathroom, and then lay on his bunk. As he closed his eyes he tried to imagine a world without Liri. It only made more tears come, but she haunted him and rightfully so. She would always haunt him, until the day that he died. She would always be his biggest regret. He took the crayon and never gave it back and now she was gone, looking for another crayon to color the world with, without him, without her other half. He thought about this until sleep finally found him, and he was safe in the arms of the unknown, where thoughts played around with your psyche but you never knew what would come out. He was at peace, the last time he would be for a long while.


	18. Chapter Eighteen - I'm Thinking That My Spider's Dead

Chapter Eighteen  
A local grocery store, Las Vegas, Nevada 2010

Overcrowding has always been a problem in Las Vegas, but the day before Thanksgiving in a grocery store in Vegas was like the apocalypse. Aveline hadn't expected to find herself back in her hometown for the holiday, in fact she expected to have flown back to Los Angeles already. However, her flight was cancelled due to some weird technical issues. The truth was, it made her uncomfortable being there. Too many memories in this grocery store, and she'd done well this year not thinking about Brendon or what he was doing. She wondered if he'd done the same. It had been three years since she'd gotten on that plane and flown out of his life, changing everything for both of them. For the first few months, she was too angry to even think of speaking to him, but then she began to hope for him to make contact, though he never did. She assumed it was really over, and eventually gave up all hope.  
Aveline enrolled in college when she left the Nothing Rhymes with Circus tour. She majored in creative writing and minored in journalism. Now, she wrote for one of the most popular columns on the web. The Los Angeles times called her shortly after her column on the web had taken off and offered her a column in their paper. Naturally, she was excited for the job opportunity, but knowing that Brendon also lived in LA made her hesitant. She decided she was being ridiculous. It was a big city, and the chances of them running into each other were slim to none. So, she packed her bags and made the move.   
She was supposed to have Thanksgiving with Ella and her husband in Connecticut, but the weather prevented her from flying to the east coast and an old friend called out of the blue wanting to see her, which was the reason for her being in Vegas. She drummed her fingers on the handle bar of the cart as she paced up and down the isle. So lost in her choice of music, she didn't notice that she was headed for a collision. Then, bam! She grabbed her headphones out of her ears immediately and looked up. Her mouth dropped open, but the woman in front of her only smiled, the kind of smile that said: I missed you, where have you been? It was Grace Urie, Brendon's mom.  
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," Aveline apologized, "I'm so in my head these days," she laughed.  
Grace rushed over to her, pulled her in her arms and squeezed her so tight she thought she might pop right there.  
"Aveline my dear!" Grace exclaimed, "How are you? I haven't seen in you in what?"  
"Three years," Aveline answered finishing her question.  
Grace brushed her hand across Aveline's cheek, "Now," she made a sad face, "That's far too long."  
Aveline's eyes hit the ground, "Yeah," she didn't say so, but Aveline could tell from the look in Grace's eyes that Brendon had told her what happened. She wondered how many of the details he'd left out.  
"How long are you in town for?" Grace asked stepping back a bit.  
"Until after Thanksgiving, my flight got cancelled, imagine that," She joked as if it were old times.  
"Are you all alone on Thanksgiving?"  
"I mean," Aveline shrugs, "I was thinking about eating at my friend's house, but it's kinda crazy there and I'm-"  
"You should have it with us," Grace suggested.

What? Did she just? She can't be serious.

"It'll be like old times," she smiled, "Beside, you and Brendon haven't seen each other in a long time. He'll be happy to see you."

Wait. He will? Since when?

"I don't know if that's such-"  
"Aveline," Grace took her hand, "I know things didn't go well between the both of you, and it's not my business really, but I do know that the friendship you had was real, the bond, you don't find that in just any old place."  
Aveline knew she was right, but she didn't think she was ready for it. Seeing Brendon after all this time would bring up a lot of emotions that she had buried, a lot of bad emotions. She had forgiven him, but she hadn't done it to his face, and she wasn't sure if she could.  
"I'm sorry," Aveline whispered, tears building in her eyes, "I-I don't think I can."  
"My darling girl," Grace rubbed Aveline's hand, "If you only knew how much you were missed," she kissed her cheek, "If you change your mind, the invite still stands."  
Grace slowly pulled her cart out of the way and passed Aveline. The thought of seeing Brendon again excited her, but at the same time it scared her. They could immediately connect again. They could not. She could forgive him all over again. She could spit in his face. There was no telling what would happen, and she knew if she didn't go she'd regret it. She had to know, was what they had still there? Did he still feel that same pull toward her that she still felt toward him? The only way for her to get answers was to go. She sighed, and then started thinking of all of the times she'd wanted to be there for him. When he started seeing Ryan, when he broke up with Ryan, when the band broke up because of it. She hadn't been there to wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be okay, but he hadn't been there to wrap his arms around her the nights she cried herself to sleep because he chose the drugs over her. It was all happening so fast. One minute he was gone and out of her life, the next his mother was inviting her to Thanksgiving dinner. She let out another sigh and continued pushing the cart through the grocery store. She'd made up her mind. She was going to go. She had to. It was the only way. Not a lot of people got second chances, but they were getting one. She would be stupid not to act on it. She had questions that needed answered, and he was the only one who could do that for her. So, she would get her answers, because she deserved them, and because she still loved him. She hoped he still loved her. If he didn't she would have to learn how to be his friend all over again and that would be rather complicated considering how many times he'd been inside of her, screaming out her name, breathing into her ear...Yes, she was going, to talk to him, to see him, to yell at him, to anything as long as it involved him.


	19. Chapter Nineteen - I Will Come Back To Life But Only For You

Chapter Nineteen

The house looked exactly the same. Two stories, stucco, tan, big, welcoming, and a front yard that was trying so hard to hold on to life through the dry desert dirt. Aveline took a deep breath reminding herself that three years had gone by and things would definitely be different now. How different, she couldn't say but different nonetheless. She opened the door to her car and got out, leaning over only to grab the banana cream pie she had bought in the store the day she saw Brendon's mom. It was his favorite, as she remembered, and on Thanksgiving somehow it always got overlooked because of the pumpkin and apple pies. So, in an effort for peace she brought it just in case. Brendon always was a sucker for food.  
When she knocked on the door her heart was beating out of her chest, and she wondered if anyone else could hear it. Brendon's mom pulled her in for a tight hug as she held the pie up with one hand. His mother kissed her cheek and took the pie from her smiling and saying something about how happy Brendon would be to actually have banana cream pie at a Thanksgiving dinner for once. Aveline settled comfortably into the kitchen with is mother, helping her make some of the dishes for dinner. After an hour or two and a couple glasses of wine the two of them were laughing and giggling. It was as if nothing had changed between them, or between her and Brendon or this place. She wasn't so naive however, things had changed, and she would have to face them sooner or later.  
The sound of the door opening and a male voice flooding the house broke them of their bonding. Aveline knew that voice anywhere. It was a little deeper, but it was definitely his. Brendon had arrived.  
"Mom!" He called again, as the voice got closer.  
His mother grabbed Aveline's hand, "It'll be okay dear, just remember he's missed you." she told her before she answered him.  
"In the kitchen dear," she called back, "I have a surprise for you."  
He laughed, "That's funny," he said, his voice still getting closer, "I have a surprise for you t-" he stopped talking when he stepped into the kitchen and locked eyes with Aveline. Mouth agape, legs weak, grabbing the counter for support he cleared his throat unsure of what to say. Aveline managed a small smile and a wave from behind the island in the kitchen.  
"I bumped into her in the super market," his mom broke the silence, "isn't that funny?"   
"Yeah," Brendon smiled, but it was forced Aveline could tell, "It is funny," he looked at his mom, "Can you give us a minute mom?"  
"Sure Brenny, sure thing," His mom kissed him on the cheek as she patted his arm and left the two of them alone.  
"Wow," he spoke up walking closer to her but still keeping a good distance, "You are the last person I ever thought..." his voice trailed off as he looked down at the counter and picked at the wood.  
Aveline studied him. He'd lost some weight, but his features were still sharp, feminine, dark. His hair was longer and sort of did what it wanted, flopping to one side or the other. He wore black, square framed glasses that hid his eyes, and it was hard to tell what he was thinking. He looked frail, fragile even. She knew the break up with Ryan and the band a year ago had taken a toll, but she didn't know it had been this bad. She couldn't help herself anymore; she crossed the barrier, and the border he'd been keeping up. She just walked right over it and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him as tightly as she could.  
"God, I fucking missed you," she breathed in his ear.  
To her surprise he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her back, "You have no fucking idea," he agreed with her.  
When they pulled away they were both crying.  
"I'm so fucking sorry Liri," he apologized, "You didn't deserve any of it, and if I could take it back I would," he shook his head, "I'm so fucking sorry."  
She let her hand brush his cheek, "I forgive you Bren."  
He looked at her surprised, "Just like that?"  
She nodded, "Just like that."  
"You gotta know I don't remember anything from that night. I do-"  
She put her finger to his lips, "It doesn't matter B. It's over. It happened, it sucks that it did, but it's over now. I'm not going to keep punishing you for it. I've done that long enough," she explained, "We both made mistakes, we were young, scared, and I'm sure you felt the pressure just like I did," he nodded, "So, let's not do this, let's just move on, or try to. You know, start over?"  
He smiled, "I would like that. No, I would fucking love that."  
"That's good because I miss my best friend," she laughed.  
"I miss you too," before he could think about what he was doing he planted a quick kiss on her lips.  
"Brendon?" a female voice asked in a demanding tone.  
They both pulled away from each other and looked in the direction of the voice. A girl, tall, thin, brunette, with huge blue eyes stood with her hands on her hips taping her foot in Brendon's direction. He sighed and walked over to her rubbing his hand up and down her arm trying to calm her down.  
"Babe, it's not what you think," he told her.  
"Oh, it's not? Cause it kind of looked like you were kissing her."  
"Sarah, it's complicated," Brendon was frustrated Aveline could tell, "This is the best friend I'm always talking about." A light sprung on inside the girl's head because she grabbed Brendon's arm and flung him around so fast his head could have spun.  
"You mean this is the girl you used to fuck?"  
Brendon pulled off of her grip, "God Sarah, come on. It was a long time ago. Let's be mature about this."  
"Mature? Mature would have been telling me she was going to be here."  
"I didn't know!" Brendon defended himself, "My mom saw her in the market and invited her."  
"It's true," Aveline piped in, "He had nothing to do with this," she wanted to help him out even though part of her was very, very jealous, "To be honest, none of us knew you were coming either. If we had I don't think his mom would have done this little reunion thing here. No one was trying to disrespect you, honest."  
Sarah rendered speechless just grabbed Brendon's arm and dragged him out of the kitchen, over his shoulder he gave Aveline a furrowed brow and the I'm sorry look. She just shrugged and mouthed the words it's okay to him as he disappeared into the living room. Thanksgiving was not going to be dull, that's for sure.


	20. Chapter 20

I hope you enjoy it. :)


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